One night, after saying our prayers, JJ said his usual jubilant “AMEN” LOUDLY to the angst of his sister who has always expressed unhappiness over his noisy shouts of amen.
She was more upset than normal and ignored my usual “it’s okay, Vera, no need to get upset over this…”
So I had to bring her out from the room and explain to her that JJ enjoyed praying and expressing himself with a loud shout of praise and amen to God. It wasn’t that he was annoying her on purpose (though at the back of my mind I did wonder if there is that possibility too.)
I told her that we all express our love and joy in different ways, some through loud noises, some through softer words. None of us are wrong in preferring one way or another but we show love and respect by accepting and tolerating our differences.
I then reassured her that JJ loves her and that I do too. “We are unique and different but we love each other all the same.”
A hug and kiss later, she seemed much better. As we climbed back to bed, I thought about how she might have felt “unloved” because of how JJ seemingly ignored her wishes.
All she seemed to need at that point was reassurance of love…and to know that it’s not true that behaving differently equals “unloving”.
I reckon this lesson will take many repeated reminders and experiences to really sink in, but I hope a small seed has been sown. And hopefully she’ll grow to appreciate the beauty of their differences one day.
Little kids can be rather rigid and insistent on their own ways at times. How can we teach them to be more accepting of differences? I learnt that it is a slow process, a process that begins with us communicating our love and acceptance of them, for who they are…
Do you have similar experiences too?
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I reckon we can take a page out of that little lesson in our adult relationships too. Everyone has a different way of expressing love and we should try to understand each other’s way as much as possible
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Yes Serene! Especially differences that we face within our marriage and values and beliefs towards parenting / education etc. As much as I try to resolve sibling conflicts, I’m also reminded of the fact that we often need to work out the issues within our own marriage…Sometimes not as easy or quickly resolved as the ones faced by the kids!
Jj is so expressive now. Guess as a big sister, she also wanted to teach him that he needs to be have properly, hence no raising of voice. Even Sophie gets upset with me when I don’t listen to her reprimands.
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Yeah, Vera is a really good teacher most times. But she’s also hit a more emotional stage, and gets upset when her preferred way is not chosen or ignored. Sigh…managing these can be quite tiring, but I hope we are sowing the right values and attitudes in her.
Teaching a child to appreciate another’s way of expressing emotions can be a tough process! Something that adults also struggle to do. I’m thinking, The Five Love Languages
But yeah, reassuring her of love is a sweet balm in such situations.
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