Every wedding anniversary is a time to celebrate the years that have been marked, the milestones that have been ticked off, the accomplishments…
But it is also a time to think about the future.
What kind of life do we envision? Who do we want to become, and stand for, as a couple?
In a couple of years, the kids won’t want to be around us so much. We won’t be needed so much. We will finally have some free time.
What will we do with each other then? Will the flaws show up? Will we start to nitpick? Will we get bored?
So we celebrated our anniversary over the weekend. It was at our usual spot, the place where we tied the knot. We visit every year, and it’s interesting to see how they’ve continued to do up and enhance the venue and its offerings year by year.
We decided to order the afternoon tea set. I ordered a black tea with a strange name. We sat and ate and chatted for two hours.
Towards the end of it, I realised that my tea was still warm! I examined the tea pot, and lifted up the shiny metal cover. Underneath was some kind of rubber insulation material. Ah-hah. There was the simple magic to keep the tea pot warm.
I thought about marriage. There is so much at stake within a marriage, and yet marriage itself is so much at risk these days.
How do we keep the love warm? What are the insulators that will help us defend ourselves from the many temptations?
In the past, divorce used to be taboo and frowned upon by society. That in itself was a deterrent for married ones to be too quick at calling it quits.
Today, there is pornography and all manner of sexual addictions, there is the temptation of affairs both online and off, there are financial stresses and burdens on young couples, there is the ever present lure of work and shrinking of leisure and family time.
Let’s be honest, it is hard.
We need to take a long hard look at how we are insulating ourselves from the elements. What is our rubber insulation hidden under a shiny metal cover?
- Are we working on our communication?
- Are we aware of our own negative attitudes?
- Are we making time for sex and intimacy amidst our hectic lifestyles?
- Are we giving attention to each other even while having to give so much attention to our children?
- Are we leaning on God for help in the areas where we are weak?
- Are we showing appreciation for the things that he does?
Over the warm tea, we evaluated ourselves and where we’re at. We both agreed that over the past seven years, we’ve been so caught up in the whirlwind of parenthood that we’ve neglected to really put in the work on our marriage.
Our role as parents will diminish as the years go by, as our children grow in independence and responsibility and prepare to face the world as adults. However, our role as husband and wife remains for life.
This year, I hope that we’ll work on creating more quality moments together, and seek to understand more than to judge and criticise. I will work on being a better partner, and on learning how to complement him better.
My prayer is that we’ll not just be life partners, but partners in life, for life.
What are some ways you keep your love warm?