Vera’s quotables

March 15, 2013 6 Comments

If you know Vera, or you’ve been following us for a while, you’d already know she’s full of funny and that she says some of the most hilarious things. Okay, I know all kids do, but humour me for a while, wontcha? And I’ll let her words humour you…

One day we were playing this silly childhood game called 老鹰捉小鸡 (literally, eagle catches the chicks). There’s a role in the game called 母鸡, or mother hen, and she’s supposed to protect the “chicks” from the “eagle” by sheltering them from its reach.

Halfway through the game when I was the *ahem* mother hen, Vera blurted out these words exuberantly.

“我要做老鸡!”

We almost died laughing.

(For non-Chinese readers, she basically said she wanted to be an old chicken instead of mother hen. And yes, there IS a difference.)

~~~~~

One balmy evening, after daddy turned on the air-con…

Vera: “Hey, why on air-con every day huh? Waste battery you know!”

(Duracell-powered aircon, anyone?)

~~~~~

Another time, we were huddling together to pray for Javier to recover quickly from his HFMD. We asked Vera to pray. This was what she said:

“Dear God,
Please take away Javier’s hand foot mouth dessert.
Amen.”

I think if Javier knows that his dear sister prayed for God to take away his dessert, he would probably cry.

~~~~~

Children are the best stress-relievers sometimes…I choose to think that she inherited her rocking funny genes from her dad (which was partially why I actually fell for him and got hitched).

This weekend, may all the funnies drive away whatever tensions you may have, and may you find lots to laugh about with your spouse, your children, your friends, or even God (I think He has a good sense of humour too). Have a happy weekend!

Filed Under: Bringing up girls, Stories Tagged With: , ,

Date with Dad – What a difference a dad makes

January 15, 2013 4 Comments

what a difference a dad makes
to all the world’s little girls
brought the sun and the flowers
where there might have been rain

what a difference a dad makes
when she sits on his shoulders
from here, the world’s a brighter place
for he’s her pillar of faith

adapted from “What a difference a day made” lyrics

~~~~~

Focus on the Family is running their annual Date with Dad event, ideal for fathers with daughters aged 10–18 years. Through something as simple as a date, daddies, you are sending your precious daughter a message that she is absolutely valuable in your eyes, worthy of you spending time with her, and modelling for her how she should expect to be treated by suitors in future.

So go on, make a date with your special girl. You won’t regret it.

Date: March 2, 2013 (Saturday)
Time: Brunch at 9.30am – 12.30pm OR High Tea at 1.45pm – 4.45pm
Venue: Mandarin Orchard Singapore
Fee: $120 per father-daughter pair (incl. “Worth the Wait” ring worth $25)

For enquiries, please contact Xingqi at Xingqi.Lu@family.org.sg or 6491 0725.

PS. Other special deals await if you would like to bring your lil’ darlings out on a date!

~~~~~

A note to the hubby:

Dear hubs, you’ve been such a loving and strong and big-hearted father. Vera is so blessed to have you to be her guiding light and source of confidence at this tender age. With your love, discipline, and teaching, I’m sure she will grow to fully grasp the extent of the Father’s love for her. She will know that this love would travel to the ends of the earth to pursue her. And years later, when boys start to become interesting, she will also know and understand her value as a young lady. Her value will not lie in her outward appearance. (No no, it will be much more than what the human eye can see.) Nor will it lie in her personality or wit, as bright as they may be. She will grow to understand that her value lies in her identity as a child of God and as a young lady after His heart.

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Muffin break with mummy

November 28, 2012 4 Comments

My little girl loves muffins. Actually, anything sweet and that resembles cake is a sure-win in her books.

We took a little break that day when I was working from home. I was making good headway into my to-do list, and I thought of rewarding her for being cooperative. Moreover, it has been a while since our last mummy-daughter outing.

So we braved the rain and headed to the nearest Starbucks. I got her a chocolate muffin and a peppermint mocha for myself. While she was happily munching away, I was busy taking photos (while sneaking bites in between).

It was a nice treat for the both of us really…Motherhood really makes me enjoy the simplest pleasures that we manage to squeeze into our schedules somehow. Moments of indulgence. Moments of delight. Amidst the moments of madness.

For some reason, I really enjoy these muffin/munching/coffee sessions with Vera very much. It’s almost like a special thing that we share…just me and my little girl. After all, I think that she got her sweet tooth and eating gene from me. ;)

Is there a special activity that only you and your child share?

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A daughter sees her worth through her father’s eyes

October 2, 2012 12 Comments

She shared her life story in front of a small audience. Drama after drama, heartache after heartache, relationship after relationship. At the age of 17, she went through an abortion. It was not a simple procedure because she was already advanced in her pregnancy.

At one point, she related a story about her final week in Discipleship Training School with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) – an intensive five-month programme focused on Christian discipleship. She had just sat through a guest speaker’s teaching, and it was time for prayer. He started to pray for a classmate seated near her, but each word he uttered felt like it was meant for her. Soon, steeped in tears, she began to release all her years of pain in front of her classmates in the room.

The speaker sat her down in the middle of the room, placed a towel on his shoulder and laid her head on it for her to cry into. He began to speak into her life, words that affirm the Father’s love for her – gentle and loving words.

In other people’s eyes, she was always the strong one, the warrior, but that day, she was vulnerable, like a small and fearful child.

At this point, I started to cry. While my teenage years were not half as dramatic or traumatic as hers, the underlying thread was the same. I remembered growing up wondering why my dad had never expressd his love to me. My primary love language is words of encouragement, and as a young girl, I longed to hear him speak just one kind, affirming word to me, and it never quite came. That longing soon turned into anger when teenagehood arrived.

I spent those years looking for love in the wrong places, and now as a grown, married woman, I finally understand the reason. It was because I was unable to find an anchor in my father’s love.

I am not blaming my dad for the mistakes I’ve made. He’s not caused me harm or hurt in any intentional way. He showed love as best as he knew how, and faithfully provided for the family and served us with his hands and strength. Today, I know that he loves me and my mum, and I know he is proud of his grandkids. Even though he still doesn’t express his love verbally, I can see it in the small ways – how he laughs with the kids, and buys little gifts for them.

On hindsight, I can see his love for me in the small ways too…

A daughter sees her worth through her father’s eyes.

As I listened to Jennifer share her story in her steady, calm voice, I found it hard to imagine that she had to go through all those years of guilt, hurt, and shame. I could no longer see that fearful child in her. All I saw was a lady rescued by the grace and love of the Father.

I bought her book, Walking out of Secret Shame, and am almost halfway through it. Here is a short excerpt:

I’ve always wanted my Dad to be proud of me. He was a high achiever himself, intelligent and astute. I guess he wanted me to be like him. As the firstborn, my parents had high expectations of me and I managed to do pretty well in school. But words of affirmation and encouragement were seldom heard and I wondered if I was still missing the mark.

While I was growing up, my life was filled with classes of every sort – piano, ballet, art and swimming. I excelled in all of them as well as in my studies. I was extroverted and had a strong personality. As a result, I was often picked for various roles in school plays, or was made the class monitor or school prefect…I was innately driven by a need for recognition and applause and worked hard to see the proud looks on my parents’ faces, although those were few and far between.

When Dad left, all that seemed to fall apart. I lost my motivation to excel. I became angry, resentful and stressed by the expectations of both my Mum and myself. I hated that I was not doing as well as I had done when I was younger. Yet I did not know how to manage my growing anxiety and fear when demands were placed on me. It was as though my Dad’s leaving caused me to lose the motivation to excel…

This story could have been mine, or perhaps someone you know. As I’ve been touched by her story, I would like to give away two signed copies of her book to you. If you know someone who will be blessed by the book, feel free to leave a comment here saying you would like a copy, or you can also email me at mamawearpapashirt (AT) gmail.com.

Filed Under: Bringing up girls, Family Tagged With: , , ,

The power of a father

February 23, 2012 10 Comments

If you’ve been following my blog for a bit, you would have read a couple of posts involving Vera and her dear daddy. (Papa is so good, for example.)

You probably already know Daddy has a very special place in her heart. Almost like there’s a hole in there in his unique shape, that no one, NO ONE, but Daddy can fill.

I’m not one bit jealous. On the contrary, I can’t even begin to explain the joy that fills my heart when I see them together, and so in love.

I know that with her dad’s love, she will grow up secure and strong. I know that with her dad holding her hand when she’s venturing into a new area where she’s never been before, she will slowly gain in courage and confidence. I know that when her dad teaches and corrects her, she will learn to respect authority and understand that certain boundaries are drawn for her own sake.

I know. Perhaps because I sort of never had that kind of daddy.

I tend to sigh when I think back about my own childhood memories involving my father. I mean, he wasn’t all that bad. He was a quiet, traditional, and rather serious man. He never caned me; for some reason his wrath would be mostly re-directed to my brother. Still, I’ve never quite known how to approach this man, and I suspect he never quite knew how to approach this young woman too. Even now, when he comes over to visit the kids, the words we exchange would be few.

Yet despite all our communication gaps, I am thankful that he is still a good father. He has provided for us as a family, and I choose not to judge him for what he did or did not do. I understand that it’s hard for some traditional fathers to express their love in ways that we daughters would appreciate. But he is still my father, the man who made my life — and much of its joys and blessings possible.

So, I wish to acknowledge all fathers today.

You have a remarkable role to play in your children’s lives. Whether you choose to be active or passive, to play and cheer, or to watch from afar, you are leaving a deep imprint that can never be removed.

In Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, Dr Meg Meeker shares a simple truth:

“Dads, you are far more powerful than you think you are.”

Especially to your daughter. She will look to you for all things — love, security, approval, affirmation, protection. She will always yearn for your attention and affection. You are the first man in her life. She will see her worth through your eyes.

Dr Meeker minces no words (nor statistic) in her writing.  In her more than 20 years’ experience as a psychologist, she has seen many girls depressed, engaging in sexual activity at a young age, with eating disorders, etc, and the common thread among these girls? The lack of an involved father.

While she speaks mainly from an American perspective, I don’t think what she’s describing is a localized phenomenon.

Citing research from the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Dr Meeker writes:

“Daughters who perceive that their fathers care a lot about them, who feel connected to their fathers, have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use, and unhealthy weight.” 

~~~

How can you express your love and care to your daughter? The secrets that she shares in her book might be a good starting point:

1. You are the most important man in her life
2. She needs a hero
3. You are her first love
4. Teach her humility – so that she is grounded, and is able to develop strong relationships.
5. Protect her, defend her (and use a shotgun if necessary) – ‘nuff said.
6. Pragmatism and grit: your two greatest assets – teach her to deal with difficult situations.
7. Be the man you want her to marry
8. Teach her who God is
9. Teach her to fight - take a clear stance on morals.
10. Keep her connected

~~~

But what about if for some reason, your child can’t have her father actively involved in her life? I think it can still make a difference if there is a close male figure who can be committed to being involved in your her life, so take heart and take action.

What has made the difference in my life and the way I view my dad? My relationship with my Father in heaven…and I believe He can do the same for you too.

If this post has touched you in some way, please do share it with your family and loved ones. 

Read also: The best thing a father can do

Filed Under: Bringing up girls, Faith Tagged With: , ,

Vera 3.0

February 15, 2012 10 Comments

Dear Vera, you turned 3.0 last week, and mummy and daddy decided we were not going to get you any gifts. Well, at least not in the traditional sense of the word.

I mean, we got you some balloons. (Courtesy of daddy.)

 

And a bumble bee chocolate cake. (Also daddy’s choice.)

And for your friends, we made some happy bags…and filled them with sun-catchers. (Oh yes, and one balloon each too.)

So technically, these were ‘gifts’, but they were all meant to be shared, and given to others.

And you know what, your daddy and I gave ourselves a gift on your birthday too. We headed to West Coast Park for a picnic, and enjoyed some us-time, and nutella/peanut butter big macs! It was a very rare treat for us indeed…(The time alone AND the nutella big macs.)

That night, we all went out for a nice Japanese meal, followed by a yoghurt treat for you. This is you and daddy, looking like you’re both having brain freeze.

 

As you can see, we (and your little friends) were at the receiving end of many gifts, simply because it was your birthday.

And really, you are God’s biggest gift to us.

So this Valentine’s day, I just wanna say that I love you so very much. And yes, the same goes for di-di too.

(In case you’re wondering, a parent’s love has this miraculous ability to multiply even when being divided. I think I read that from Brain Rules somewhere…)

Love, mummy

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Pretty? Cute? Oh, she dances well too.

September 30, 2011 Leave a Comment

I came across an ST article titled “Don’t call my little girl pretty” and it just wouldn’t let me go, especially this quote.

“In today’s image-obsessed world where women subconsciously take part in a daily beauty pageant, I fear raising a vain, vacuous girl who prizes looks above all else.”

That reminded me a little of myself. Not the image-obsessed part. But the fear of raising a vain, vacuous girl part.

Because I really don’t want to raise a vain Vera.

Since last year, at around age 2-point-something, she’s been looking at herself in the mirror, and going ‘Vera so pretty’.

I guess most of us would think that’s normal. I mean, she is a girl after all. What else can we expect her to say? ‘Wow. I’m so big and tall’?

So, from time to time, I would remind the daddy and the grannies not to keep harping on Vera’s outward appearance, and to focus on her positive character traits and talents as well. It’s also a reminder for myself not to do that, actually.

As a once-upon-a-time little girl, I remember being told quite often by family and friends that I was a “pretty /sweet girl”. (Hmm, hard to imagine that now…after two babies. Ahh nevermind.) But I don’t remember being described as ”kind” or “generous” as much. Though I’m pretty sure I did try to be those things. *blink*

Ahem. Back to my original point. I really don’t want to raise a vainpot of a Vera. What I’d like to raise? A child of God. Who knows her value is not in her looks. Who doesn’t mind what the world thinks beauty is. Who is confident in her own skin and the talents that God has bestowed upon her. That’s well-adjusted, to me.

But how do we help a child to be like that?

According to the article, the trick is “not to make a big deal about appearances”.

So, if she looks nice in a dress, it’s okay to compliment her, and say that she looks nice/cute/adorable in that particular dress, without gushing too much or being overly dramatic. (Which I confess doing sometimes, just to get her to put on her dress so that we can get out of the house.)

But I think it also helps to grow our repertoire of adjectives for our little girls (and boys, for that matter). When they are helpful, thoughtful, kind, caring, witty, or good at something, tell them so. Don’t limit your words to: clever girl, well done, or good job.” (Although these are well and good, when you run out of things to say, or when you’re too tired to think.)

So, the article suggests, the next time someone comments that your little girl is pretty, acknowledge that, but try adding a character trait or talent to it. For instance, she’s also creative, musically-inclined, or swims well.

“Pretty”, you say? Oh, Vera dances well too.

Do you share the same worries about your little girl, or am I the only paranoid mum around? :P

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