How To Find Joy in Motherhood {Book Review of The Happy Mom}

Think of it this way: Motherhood is like pottery. First, the potter throws a lump of clay on the table several times. This rids the clay of the air bubbles trapped inside. If the potter doesn’t do this, the clay will crack when it’s put into the hot kiln later on.

In the same way, when you start off as a mom, you’re like a lump of clay. You’re raw material that needs to be molded.

Remember your purpose as a mom. It’s not to be popular with your children; it’s to nurture them so they’ll be independent, responsible and resilient. As a mom, what matter is how you go through the fury of the fire. With the right mindset, you’ll become a person of greater patience, wisdom and love.

The happy mom book

I tucked into The Happy Mom book with much anticipation. The author Doreen Wong is a dedicated mom to three grown kids and grandmother, and has deep experience in and passion for parenting. (I have also met her son Daniel Wong, author of The Happy Student, whom I interviewed some years earlier for this post.)

I thoroughly enjoyed the read. The experience was akin to sitting down and enjoying a cup of coffee with a mentor figure, listening attentively as she downloads her years of parenting wisdom into my life.

In her book, she admits that even after 37 years of motherhood, her goal remains the same: To strengthen the bond with her children.

Wow…I have been a mother for eight years. In another 30 years, I hope to be reminded of what she said. Even in different seasons of parenting, the challenge of motherhood remains constant – to love our children as they are.

 

Here are 5 of my favourite aspects of The Happy Mom book.

  1. Doreen asks provocative, hard-hitting questions, like:
  • Do you fill your children’s lives with the things that you missed in your own childhood, whether your children want them or not?
  • What will your children remember you for?
  • Are you driven by self-centred ambitions? Or are you driven by a desire to make a difference in your family and the world?
  1. She also offers many gems of wisdom. This one spoke to me the most:

“As you journey with your children through life, integrate rather than segment the various aspects of their experience. See each child as a complete whole as you identify their personalities, passions and talents. This will help you ensure that your child gets everything they need in a holistic manner.”

And this:

“Don’t be anxious if you’re unclear about the vision you have for your children. There’s no rush to create this vision over the next few days. It will come to you over time. But if you already have such a picture in mind, impart it to your children. Impress upon them their worth and purpose. Believe in them. Know that all things are possible. Don’t lose sight of your vision as you walk beside them and dream with them.”

  1. She offers plenty of actionable steps that we can apply, such as using positive language in the home, declaring powerful words over our children’s lives, and guiding them to embrace timeless values and principles. 

Here are some particularly inspiring snippets:

  • In achievement, be yourself – Encourage your children to be the best versions of themselves.
  • In behaviour, act the same even when no one’s watching – Teach your children the importance of integrity, authenticity and consistency. 
  • In education, love learning – Help them to think through the what, how and why of new ideas. 
  1. She reminds me about the importance of trust, specifically about trusting our kids.

“[My mom] gave me confidence because she often showed that she trusted me…I didn’t hide any secrets from her, and she didn’t have to nag me about anything.”

I think trust is one of the things we often forget we can give our children especially in today’s context where the tendency is to hover and micro-manage life for our kids. We need to give them the practice in exercising their judgment, to trust them to make small decisions, gradually and age-appropriately, but steadily.

  1. She offers helpful dos and don’ts in a chapter-by-chapter summary of the book. Here is an example.

The Happy Mom dos and donts summary

My conclusion: this is a book that will inspire and empower you to find joy in motherhood. It will also equip you with wisdom to help you discern what is really important, and to help you help your children thrive.

Moms, if you want to raise your children to lead purposeful and significant lives, do not miss out on this book. Order your copy now.
Affiliate links are included in this post. Using these links, I earn a small commission at no additional cost to you.

Island of Legends – A Singapore Book Review and Giveaway

Island of Legends cover

Island of Legends is a really cool history-mystery-activity book. Third in local author Don Bosco’s book series Lion City Adventures, Island of Legends comprises 3 literary genres rolled into one: history (told through 8 legends); mystery (as the Lion City Adventuring Club members are once again sent on an adventure to solve the mystery of a treasure box); and activity book.

Vera really enjoyed the book. She said she learnt about Sang Nila Utama and how Singapore got its name. She also learnt that Radin Mas Primary School was named after a brave and beautiful princess! One of the first things she did after finishing the book was to draw a cute cartoon lion  – following the instructions and steps shown in the book!

island-of-legends-lion

What I like about the book is that it provides some puzzle or craft activity pages after each story. Like this turtle origami activity…

island-of-legends-turtle-origami

And this picture puzzle. It caters to all age groups – from emerging readers like JJ to independent readers like Vera.

Island of Legends puzzle page

This is the book to go to if your child is keen to read more about colourful folklore of Singapore’s past. The other 6 legends covered in the book are the legend of Pu Luo Cheng, a strong man called Badang, the angry swordfish, the magical turtle of Kusu island, the legend of pirate island, and enemies from the North.

Each legend is weaved into the chapters of the book, and is part of a bigger mystery that the Lion City Adventuring Club had to solve. I like that the author included history notes at the end of each legend – which presents simple facts and information about each of them.

History notes within the book Island of Legends

What I really appreciate about Don’s books is that he always packs in elements of surprise and mystery, and that always helps to intrigue and draw the attention of young readers. He shares a bit about his creative process and writing here:

Children love books where the message behind the story is something fun and reassuring. Like, be brave. Be curious. Be helpful. Be happy. Believe in your own wacky ideas.

So get together with other brave, curious, helpful and happy people, and see what sort of adventures you can have together. That’s how children learn best, by piecing together interesting bits of information and using all this to work out their own answers.

They like being detectives. They get a great sense of accomplishment when they can play an active part in figuring something out. That’s the simple pleasure of the Lion City Adventures series. And at the very end, the final page, through all the fun, everyone will have somehow learnt something good.

 ~~~~~ BOOK GIVEAWAY!~~~~~

I have one copy of Island of Legends up for grabs. To win, just follow the steps below:

  1. Check out Don Bosco’s Super Cool Books FB page for updates.
  2. Comment on this Facebook post: a) state why you’d like to win, and your email, b) Tag a friend for bonus entries.

Contest ends 11 October, 2359hrs. Open to SG residents only. The winner will be announced on this blog post, and on Facebook on 12 October. Good luck!

Island of Legends is available at all major bookstores. It retails at $15.80 (before GST).

**Thanks, Don and Marshall Cavendish, for giving us a copy of Island of Legends for this review!

 

 

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7 Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs: On Perspective Taking

I’ve been quiet on the blog as I went on a self-declared blog-liday. Well it was June and we’ve been busy with the kids, exploring places and having fun.

I also took some time to read a book called Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs by Ellen Galinsky. In this post, I’ll be focusing on skill no.2 — perspective taking.

Perspective taking is all about understanding that other people may think differently from us, and the ability to read accurately the intentions of others. It’s about empathy, but also about making sense of our own and others’ experiences. Being able to understand different perspectives helps us to adjust behaviour according to expectations (of teachers for example, or other peers). It also has a link to reducing aggressive behaviour, since “children who can understand others have less of a need to strike or hurt others.

Why is it so important?

It’s learning that helps children not only understand what goes on in other people’s thoughts and minds, but it also shapes their memories for events, [and] it helps them to predict what will happen in the future. – Ross Thompson

If we want to be successful and deal with other people, [we need] to understand the people around us — particularly what’s going on in their minds. – Alison Gopnik

Galinsky listed a few suggestions on how we can help our kids grow their sense of others’ feelings, and here are a few that particularly spoke to me.

1. Practice what we preach

We need to be able to understand other people’s point of view and feelings first. Then we would be in a better position to guide our kids.

2. Help children connect with others

In today’s academic arms race culture, we race from one tuition class to another, and often neglect being with people and social activities for our young. This book reminds us of the essential-ness of human connection, and how it benefits our sense of well-being. We all need to be inter-dependent and develop trusting relationships, not just independence.

3. Help our children feel known and understood

Listen to them, tune in to their feelings, get down to their level, ask them about what they feel about things (what did you enjoy/not enjoy about school today?)

It’s easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of daily life. I do too, and sometimes my son has to call me away “mummy, stop looking at your phone and look at me!”

It is important that we affirm them when they are asking for some attention and acknowledgement. It doesn’t mean dropping everything else straightaway. But it will make a difference if we intentionally tune in at different points of the day.

4. Talk about feelings

Very often we feel we can’t burden our kids with our feelings, and so we put them aside. But it’s okay to mention that you’ve had a hard day, and just need some time to yourself to recover. Galinsky also suggests reminding the kids it’s not their fault, as some children can be quick to assume it is.

5. Use other-oriented discipline

When we focus on disciplining the wrong-doer, and neglect asking the ‘victim’ how he/she feels, is she okay etc, the wrong-doer doesn’t learn about the consequences of his actions upon the victim. Point out the consequence, the feelings, the pain, and it’s likely that the child will get the message that his actions can hurt others, and that hurting others is undesirable.

But research also shows that when this discipline gets tampered with harsh disciplinary actions, the child is also less likely to learn to be more considerate of others. For some reason, harshness hinders their ability to learn from the incident.

What a reminder to us all to make use of everyday teaching moments to teach our children to see and respect the perspectives and feelings of others.

7 essential skills every child needs

**There are affiliate links in this post. It means that any purchases made by you would generate some income for this blog, but it’s at no extra cost to you! Thank you!

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Tea in Pajamas by Rachel Tey – Review and giveaway

While trying to recover from an eating disorder several years back, I made a list of all the things I’d love to be doing if I wasn’t shackled by the demands of the ED, i.e. spending every waking moment either overexercising, undereating, or obsessing about both. I held a serious desire to get back to doing all those things that once brought me so much joy and purpose, and creative writing featured prominently as one of those buried passions.

Tea in Pajamas as an idea for a story really just popped into my mind not too long after I made that list. – Rachel Tey

It’s amazing what lists can do. But Rachel Tey, author of Tea in Pajamas, didn’t just make a list and shove it to the back of her closet. She put on her writer’s hat and penned the story of her life (with a bit of help from her husband, who illustrated the book.) And the result is a delightful and fun tale.

Vera especially enjoyed the book – its magical qualities drew her in like honey to a bee. She even told me that she wished she could travel to Belzerac and taste Belle Marie’s cherry pie.

Tea in Pajamas

“Half an hour to go!” The booming voice of Monsieur DuPorc jolted Belle back to the present task at hand. Quickly, shelaid part of her dough at the bottom of her pie dish, trimmed away the excess, then poured the cherry filling over.

 

In the book, Belle Marie ends up back in Belzerac after having tea (coffee actually) in her PJs at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon. She’s right smack in the middle of a culinary contest, but her bestie Tess is nowhere to be seen. This marks the beginning of her quest to find Tess – has she been kidnapped by the mystical Musicians, or is she somehow stuck between the two worlds of Michelmont (where the two girls live) and Belzerac?

Belzerac is of course a magical land, but it was actually inspired by a real place…

Belzerac was inspired by a region in southwest France called the Dordogne, in particular the villages of La Roque-Gageac and Beynac-et-Cazenac. I’ve never been, but just from pictures and books, I am completely taken by this picture perfect part of rural France where it seems like time stands still and people are just happy. I often fantasize about canoeing down the Dordogne River (though my hubby reminds me of my non-sporty nature and how it’d be less idyllic in practice!). It’s also not easy to get to from Singapore (many flights and trains), so for now, it lives in my imagination as Belzerac.

Friendship and hope are the main themes of the book, as Belle, later joined by her new friend Julien, tries her level best to find Tess. Rachel elaborates:

The idea that true friendship withstands adversity, and that friends are absolutely instrumental in helping one get through difficult times. The truth is, we cannot go at it alone all the time. Real friends will be there to cheer us on, lift us up when things look uncertain, and to keep us from falling into despair. Conversely, “friends” who only try to bring you down and tell you that you cannot accomplish something are not exactly people you want to keep around.

I’m also inspired by how Rachel overcame her eating disorder and soldiered on in her journey towards wholeness and health:

It wasn’t easy. Those disordered behaviors I engaged in had become second nature to me, and I was so conditioned to a certain way of thinking and living that I did not think there was anything wrong. But several events forced me to take a step back and see that my decisions came at a cost: I stopped menstruating, I had trouble conceiving, I had a miscarriage, I developed binge eating patterns, physical wounds took a very long time to heal, and my inflexible lifestyle that only revolved around weight loss, dieting and exercise was taking up almost all my time and isolating me from family and friends. Eventually, I came to acknowledge that I was unhappy, exhausted and no longer in control of my life. I prayed hard, researched, and asked myself what I wanted if I ever came out of this–and the answer was freedom. With freedom in mind, I mentally trained myself to overcome compulsive and destructive habits and to hone a skill called discernment (see this post).

With lots of prayer and practice, and over time, I was eventually able to recognize unhealthy patterns of thoughts/behaviors, and to act against them by replacing them with healthy, self-loving and life-giving ones. The recovery process is still ongoing, but now with awareness and discernment, and the gift of hindsight, I think I am more equipped for the journey ahead.

Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your difficult journey with us, along with the inspiration behind Tea in Pajamas. Tea in Pajamas is best savoured with a cup of tea (or coffee) and the company of a good friend.

To win for yourself a copy of her book (suitable for ages 6 and up), just do the following by Mon, 7 March, 11.59pm:

1) Like Rachel Tey’s Facebook page

2) Like mamawearpapashirt’s Facebook page

3) Leave a comment below, tell us why you’d like to win.

4) For an additional chance of winning, share this post on Facebook (remember to set it to “public” so I can see it!)

5) For another additional chance of winning, tag 2 friends on this Instagram post!

That’s it! Best of luck. The winner will be announced on Tuesday on my Facebook page. Contest is open to Singapore residents only.

Tea in Pajamas is available in:

tea PJs

Sherlock Hong Adventures {Book Review and Giveaway}

If you’re a fan of mystery books, you’d know that it’s important to have a protagonist that is believable and easy to identify with.

In the Sherlock Hong series, Singaporean author Don Bosco does a great job building the character of young Sherlock himself. He is a young detective, belonging to the International Order of Young Seekers, impulsive, with a nose for adventure and an eye for suspicious details.

According to Don, his character “Sherlock Hong is inspired by Sherlock Holmes, the great detective in those classic mystery stories. And Sherlock Holmes is known for a few things: having great observation skills, being very well informed about all sorts of obscure topics, and being lost in his own world.”

“In that sense, I think our own quality of life improves when we practice these traits too, in a sensible way. Observe very closely the people you encounter, so you can understand them and interact with them better. Appreciate all the tiny details in the world around you, because that gives you more options about what you can do. And take some time to create your own personal sphere of comfort and love, so you can share this with your family and friends.”

Wise words indeed.

Sherlock 1

There are 4 books in this series – The Peranakan Princess, The Scroll of Greatness, The Legend of Lady Yue, and The Immortal Nightingale.

Vera’s favourite of the series of 4 books is The Peranakan Princess. She says it’s not as scary as the rest and it’s interesting because it features a little girl who sings and turns a man into stone!

Vera has always loved books with a touch of magic, since she started reading independently, but this is one of the first mystery books she’s read.

I decided to read through The Peranakan Princess myself and found it actually quite riveting. The story involves a Peranakan Princess and her magical Book of Secrets. The young detective Sherlock finds himself on a mission to thwart an evil plan to kidnap one of her descendants, so as to prevent the powerful magic manual from falling into the wrong hands.

The language is simple and easy to read, almost like Sherlock was writing a letter to us himself. I asked Don why he chose to write the series this way, and here’s what he said:

Prior to this, I had done a lot of writing and editorial work. Mostly informative, academic and lifestyle content. So I thought I was a pretty competent writer. But when it came to writing stories for children — and I mean stories that are exciting and emotionally engaging, that keep the kids turning the pages and eager to discover more, rather than the kind of educational stories for classroom use, where you want to put it away as fast as possible — I was stuck for a long time because what I wrote always came out proper and clever, but not fun and delightful.

After a lot of trial and error, one day I was daydreaming and I started to imagine that Sherlock Hong was talking to me. I could hear his voice very clearly, and sense all his gestures. So I hurried over to the computer and typed it all down. And that was it! After that it was quite effortless. The stories naturally have a wonderful sense of intimacy and enthusiasm. They feel authentic. I know it sounds a bit eccentric, that I’m using my daydreams like this, but it works for now. And that’s why the Sherlock Hong books are in this form!

I think the key to a great mystery book is whether it keeps you turning the pages, and Vera finished a book in one sitting, and also devoured the other books quite quickly.

So…the verdict is: This is one mystery book series that will really hook your young reader.

How would you like to raise a young Sherlock too? Well, I’ve got one set of Sherlock Hong Adventures books to give away to a lucky winner!

To qualify:

1. Like mamawearpapashirt on Facebook (if you haven’t already).

2. Leave a comment on this photo on FB (Answer the question, why did Sherlock need to thwart an evil plan to kidnap the descendant of the Peranakan Princess?), and tag 3 friends.

Good luck!
– This contest is open to Singapore residents only. It ends on Sunday, Nov 22 (11.59PM). A winner will be picked randomly, and the sponsor will contact you regarding the collection of the prize.
– Incomplete entries will be disqualified.
Sherlock 2

Disclaimer: I received a set of Sherlock Hong books for review and was not compensated for this post.

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