Family — mamawearpapashirt

Top 10 things kids need from their dads

June 18, 2013 9 Comments

On father’s day weekend, we were all busy packing and moving stuff around the house, and we didn’t have much time or energy left to celebrate. (Poor papa, we’ll make it up to you okay?)

As I was lying in bed, catching my breath, and listening to sounds of the kids playing with daddy outside, I realised how blessed I was to be able to just lie there and not worry about whether the kids were looked after or entertained or not.

Thus the inspiration for this post.

Here is a list of 10 things I think kids need most from their dads.

1. Your undivided attention

Yes, even after a long day of work, even if you’re dead beat, it doesn’t matter. The kids will climb all over you, want to play with you, fight to have their turn at piggy-back rides, and basically want your full attention. For at least 10 minutes. If you’re obliging, they may then let you off and give you some breathing space afterwards. I know, kids are funny like that.

2. Big bear hugs and tickly kisses

What can I say? Dads are naturally great givers of physical affection, and children are good receivers, so everybody wins.

3. Love and affirmation through words and action

While it may be natural to show your love through physical touch, don’t forget to use words too. I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that your little girl basks and glows in your words of praise, and encouragement. Well-chosen and spoken words will not only help her understand her value as a unique person, it can also help her to grow in confidence. I believe the same goes for little boys.

Always affirm your child’s worth and individual strengths. This means you can also be honest about their weaknesses, and help them adopt pro-active mindsets to improve or come up with ideas to overcome their challenges.

4. Rough and tumble playtime

Roughhousing is another daddy specialty. It’s not only playtime for the kids, it also helps them to develop love and trust. I mean, a child wouldn’t allow you to do stunts like flying through the air unless he trusts that you won’t let him fall, right? Oh, and it makes good exercise for the kids too.

5. To be seen loving and hugging mum

Whenever kids see daddy showing love to mum, I believe they feel secure and loved too. Vera’s at the age where she’s more sensitive to people’s expressions and reactions, and she sometimes reminds daddy to hold my hand. And now that she knows there’s a baby growing within me, she would remind him to be gentle when hugging me too, which we all find rather endearing.

6. Discipline

I understand different households work differently, and some fathers are not inclined to play the role of disciplinarian. But I do see the kids responding differently to the father’s chiding and discipline. Like there is a certain level of fear and reverence, which perhaps has to do with the father’s position of authority in the home. I believe dads play a key role in discipline and teaching, and it is most effective when both parents are in sync and able to back each other up.

“The objective of discipline is to help the child develop internal discipline–the capacity to make right choices even when there are influences to do otherwise.”

7. Prayer

Your children may not ask for it, but I think prayer is something that’s essential to their growing up and learning about God. Simple short prayers that they can understand, and subsequently participate in, work best.

8. Strength in the face of challenges

When the children are older and able to understand the concept of worry or struggle, just be aware that they are watching and learning from how you cope with the challenges you’re facing. If you model for them attitudes of positivity and determination, you’re giving them life-tools that they can call upon later in life.

9. Protection

This quote says it all: “As a huge oak tree provides shelter and protection for all the living things that nest in its branch, a strong man provides security and comfort for every member of his family.” (James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys)

10. Time

This is an obvious one. Need I say more?

And that makes my list of 10. What are the things that would make it into your list of 10?

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: children needs, dads, fathers

The daddy dance

June 14, 2013 4 Comments

Dear daddy,

I watched as you whirled with Vera tonight,

in a gentle and precious dance.

She had wanted to dance

and you were the obvious partner.

Round and round the room you went,

lost in the rhythm

of joy and delight.

Vera too, moving in sync.

Some comical moments,

but I felt your heartbeat for her there and then,

the depth and breath of your love

like the waves of your hands.

I felt a warm glow of pride,

seeing you so close to her side.

Her face, lit with glee

as she leapt and jiggled and turned.

With your hands, you guide her

Swirl, twirl and glide her.

With your eyes, you delight in her,

and she thrives in your embrace.

We may never know

the significant of this little impromptu dance,

but the memories that you create

with every word of affection,

act of attention,

will dance forever

in her growing heart.

This poem is dedicated to all daddies this Father’s Day. You have a special place in your children’s lives.
May you always take time to dance, delight and sprinkle love all over your children.
Happy Father’s Day!

Filed Under: Family, Stories Tagged With: daddy, dance, daughter, father's day, love

33 and a baby

June 12, 2013 25 Comments

Dear baby in my womb,

Mummy turned 33 this week, and you’re probably the best birthday gift I can ever think of having.

Granted, news of you nearly made me fall off the chair (or to be precise, the toilet bowl). And news of you nearly made daddy, who was valiantly fighting “tigers and lions” in the jungles of Taiwan and fulfilling his national call of duty, almost require medic attention and a heli-evacuation to base camp.

But as the dust settles, we have managed to find our joy and purpose, and smile as we brace ourselves to re-enter into this baby season of life. Third time round.

(And for the record, this has got to be the last time we hit the baby button.)

Mummy has been busying myself acting like a scrap collector, re-collecting all the baby items I had gleefully given away over the past 12 months, thinking to myself, “goodbye and good riddance.”

Our storeroom is as bare as I’ve ever seen it before, well…and probably as it’ll ever be again.

Daddy is busy making arrangements to the house. We are finally going to move into the master bedroom, and ship your big bro and sis out into a proper kiddy room (almost).

Oh yes, speaking of your older siblings, I suppose you’ve already heard them laughing, talking, crying, and yelling. You’re probably wondering who they are and how fun it’ll be to play with them. I can assure you they’re heaps of fun, a little crazy and over-the-top, but cute and cuddly on most days. They won’t bite or pinch or bully you, and we will do our best to ensure you’re safe in their company.

Vera already has practice so she should be even better since it’s her second-time. Btw she hopes you’re a girl because “boys are noisy and naughty and dirty.”

Meanwhile, mummy is well, no morning sickness, no cravings, just hungry all the time.

My brain has been going into overdrive, trying to refocus on all those historical (hysterical?) baby moments, and call them back into proper shape and form, so as to better prepare for your arrival in…countdown, 28 weeks’ time.

But don’t worry, if all else fails, I have girlfriends on standby 24/7 with onhand and up-to-date professional baby and boobie knowledge.

You are in safe hands. So don’t worry. Let mummy and daddy do the worrying. (Yup, financials, house rearrangement, carer support, and other boring things…)

You just sit tight until it’s time to come out, i.e., 1st Jan 2014.

And if you ever feel tired of lazing around in your watery bubble bag, you can ponder over my favourite psalm of the day.

For He created your inmost being;
He knit you together in my womb.
I praise Him because you are fearfully and wonderfully made;
His works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I think that psalm was written for you.

Love you sweetie…We can’t wait to meet you in person…

mummee

Filed Under: Motherhood, Oh, baby baby, Pregnancy Tagged With: baby, Letters, unborn child

Art Garden 2013 at the Singapore Art Museum

June 10, 2013 4 Comments

We started off in the enchanted garden city exhibit at the Singapore Art Museum. Vera was given some activity sheets that involved naming each fairy tale that we could see in the room.

She soon got comfortable drawing and doodling on the ground, while looking at walls decked with familiar (yet strange) fairy tales and fables.

Such as The Gingerbread Man meeting the Asian tiger.

Hansel and Gretel stumbling upon a kampong house in the woods.

Blackilocks and The Three Giant Pandas.

Next, we stumbled into the cat room.

Vera had some fun exploring the room, and tried her hand at throwing rings, but it wasn’t easy to “hoop” the rings at all!

Kind museum staff gave out colouring sheets to the kids, and Vera was happily colouring away on her hot air balloon. Of course, within minutes, she had started to doodle little caricatures of herself again.

Next up was Stellar Cave II, an exhibit made fully out of screws and thread. It gave a beautiful 3D and glow in the dark effect.

In the neighbouring room, we could give a shot at threading the screws ourselves. Vera wasn’t so keen on this activity, so she busied herself in The Incredibly Magical Expanding Room. Somehow, this little enclosed room captivated her, as she could make lots of loud noises through the microphone and watch how her voice reacted with the projected images on the walls.

As usual, we ended the day watching the local short films that were being screened.

Somehow, I felt that this year’s Art Garden is lacking a certain child-like quality that we’ve seen before. Though the enchanted garden city was a feast for the eyes and mind, the other displays felt a little out-of-reach for a young child, perhaps also due to the fact that there were less art and craft activities to do.

That said, Vera still enjoyed herself, and I think this will continue to be a yearly tradition for us.

What do you like / not like about the Art Garden this year?

Art Garden 2013
8 Queen Street (beside Fast Food for Thought)
From 17 May to 1 Sep 2013
For more information, please visit the Singapore Art Museum.

Filed Under: Out & About Tagged With: art garden, children, singapore art museum

Four Cow Farm baby skincare review and giveaway

May 29, 2013 31 Comments

The Four Cow Farm range of baby skincare products is natural, organic, and made with love.

The business was started by a midwife, mum and grandmother who wanted to make creams and balms that were as good and natural as possible for her two little grandchildren (one of whom was born with eczema).

I met Delphinia, who helps run this family business, at a Green Living workshop that she co-organised last year.

I was glad to receive some samples from her to try out recently, and here’s what I found.

1) Baby Wash - Made from 100% Olive Oil Pure Liquid Castile Soap

I’ve tried castile soap on my kids and myself before, and I found that it felt quite harsh, and left a squeaky clean feeling on the skin while washing. When I tried this, it didn’t have the same harsh squeaky feel, but it did still serve its cleaning purpose, and left the kids’ hair and skin feeling soft and clean after.

PS. While I did miss some form of fragrance associated with baby baths and washes, I’m also aware that most fragrances usually contain various chemicals, so it’s a trade-off I would willingly accept.

Verdict: 7.5/10

2) Baby Lotion - Made from a blend of sweet almond and apricot kernel oils, natural preservatives, and olive-derived emulsifier

I actually tried this on myself because I don’t feel the need to moisturise the kids’ skin all that much, as they don’t have dry skin problems. I really like the texture and the light almond smell.

Verdict: 8/10

3) Tea Tree Remedy – Made from a blend of macadamia & castor oils, infused with organic tea tree oil (anti-bacterial and anti-fungal). Great for bites, scrapes, rashes, cuts and bruises.

I love love love this product. We used it a lot for Javier, as he’s prone to loose stools after consuming certain foods with dairy, which then leads to bad, red nappy rash. After one or two generous applications of this tea tree balm on his bum, I found that it effectively reduced the redness.

Verdict: 9/10

4) Calendula Remedy - Made from 80% organic calendula-infused olive oil. Good for soothing eczema and dry skin. Ideal as a nipple balm too.

I tried this out on myself the day I had an outbreak of hives. The cream helped to soothe and control the itch, and my hives went away after about two days. I also used this whenever the kids complained of any itches or bites, and it seemed to make them happy.

Verdict: 8.5/10

Common skin ailments in children can be a rather stressful affair for parents. Here’s an encouraging word from Delphinia for parents with kids with eczema problems:

I think the most important thing for parents dealing with eczema to remember is that it’s not their fault! It’s very easy to feel guilty, especially when there’s very little understanding of what atopic eczema really is amongst others, and you are often made to feel like a bad parent if you are not seen to be “fixing” it quickly. It’s so important to remember that there is no quick fix! So be patient and understanding, not just with your little one, but also with yourself!

5) Nappy Cream – Gentlest daily-use protective cream made with sunflower seed oil & castor oil

I used this after Javier’s bath, just to protect his most sensitive areas. No complaints, just that the texture of this cream is thick and luscious, so it doesn’t squeeze out from the tall-ish bottle that easily. One solution is to just set the bottle upside down so the cream is always near the opening.

Verdict: 7.5/10

6) Baby Oil – A rich & nourishing blend of top quality oils such as macadamia, and sweet almond

As I don’t really use baby oil regularly, I asked Delphinia if she had any ideas for alternative uses of the oil. And she shared with me a DIY recipe for making baby cleansing spray. This cleansing spray is easy to make, and can actually replace baby wipes.

You might be asking why replace baby wipes when they are so easy to use? Well, I guess this option is more suited for those who prefer the natural skincare route as some baby wipes may irritate babies’ skin due to its alcohol content.

Baby Cleansing Spray Recipe

I got little spray bottles for this, and made my own cleansing spray that was handy around the house, as well as outdoors when I needed to clean little hands or bums. Tip: Cotton wool or thicker tissue work better with this spray as they don’t crumble and tear so easily.

~~~ Giveaway ~~~

Thanks to Four Cow Farm, we are giving away 3 Baby Kits (Large) to 3 blog readers! That’s a full set of their products: Baby Wash, Baby Oil, Baby Lotion, Nappy Cream, Tea Tree Remedy, and Calendula Remedy.

To enter:
1) Like Four Cow Farm on Facebook
2) Like our Facebook page (if you haven’t done so)
3) Leave a comment here and tell us why you’d like to win!

On top of this giveaway, there is also a special 10% discount off all products valid till the end of June. Just enter this promotional code: MAMAPAPAFARM06

Good luck! Contest ends 4 Jun, 12 noon. Winners will be drawn randomly, and announced on Facebook as well as on this post.

And remember to check out the Four Cow Farm blog for useful information on organic food, eczema and allergies.

~~~~~~ Update ~~~~~~
And the winners are…

Carol
Yvonne
Clyruth
Connie
Alicia

What? 5 winners? Yes, Delphinia has generously decided to extend the baby kits to the 5 comments that showed the most need for her products. So congrats to the winners! We truly hope yur kids benefit from using Four Cow Farm natural skincare products.

Thanks everyone for your game participation! PS. Remember the promotional discount for readers is valid till the end of the month, so happy shopping friends!

Filed Under: Oh, baby baby, Reviews Tagged With: allergies, eczema, Four Cow Farm, natural baby products, sensitive skin, Singapore

Some days, other days

May 21, 2013 8 Comments

Some days, I can’t wait for you guys to grow up.
Other days, I wish that time would just be still.

Some days, I wonder what made me even think about childbirth and procreation.
Other days, I wonder what grace has given us this beautiful privilege to have you both in our lives.

Some days, I slip into an abyss, overwhelmed, angry and defeated.
Other days, I’m contented, mostly because you guys are too.

Some days, I wonder about life on the other side – as a carefree woman, worker, wife.
Other days, I cry upon thinking paranoid thoughts of what life would be like without you.

Some days, you blow my stresses away by your funny words and uninhibited displays of love and wonder.
Other days, you add weight to my already heavy heart.

Some days, you drive me up the wall.
Other days, you make me double up in laughter.

I never knew the intensity of human emotion
Until you wandered into my life.
Regardless of these ups and downs (that I’m now used to)
I realise that all of these are but a whisper
When compared to the joy of eternity
That I will get to savour with you.
Children, my children,
You give me a taste of the glory of heaven.
And help me look forward to the days to come.

Love you both with a love that’s bigger than my own,

mummee

Filed Under: Family, Writing Tagged With: children, Family, love, poem, Some days

Sleep no enough

May 13, 2013 12 Comments

Sleep is almost always a big huge thorn in the butt for parents. Most of my friends with newborns or young babies are usually asking about sleep, naps, schedule, tactics, strategies, and the rest of it.

Javier was a rockabye baby. I remember when he was two to three months old, I felt like my arms were dropping off from all that rocking, so I turned to the yaolan for a few months. It helped because I could train him to settle into a reasonable routine (inspired by Gina Ford with a few of my own personalised tweaks). And when night came, I just made sure that he slept in his cot.

Overall, he was a better sleeper compared to Vera. Less yelling and fussing when sleepy-time came. More disciplined after feeding so he would unlatch and sleep when he had had his fill. I once thought he was quite the dream baby actually.

Then he reached his one-year milestone, and somewhere between that and 18 months, things went downhill. We saw periods of bad sleep, interspersed with some good “miracle” nights. But unfortunately, bad was the norm — He woke multiple times in the night, always needing some rocking and cajoling before going back to sleep.

When he started childcare at 20 months, his sleep remained pretty bad, partially due to the onset of flus and fevers, we think. It wasn’t till after 2 months had passed that we saw the light, which was just about time as I was starting to tear my hair out and scream, “What are we doing wrong?”

His nap was a good solid 1.5 – 2 hours, and he had a bedtime routine. Apart from sometimes running around playing with his sister, and getting a bit too excited because of that, I just couldn’t identify anything that could be the culprit. He was eating well at dinner-time (which was a clear two hours prior to bedtime), and having his milk before bed. We even tried to give him some bread with his milk for a time, just to eliminate hunger as the issue.

Then one day, hubby had a revelation. He suggested turning on the aircon for Javier at night. I felt dubious, but went along. We had nothing to lose, barring some increase in PUB bills.

Guess what? It worked like a charm. That first night with air-con, Javier slept and slept, with only a stirring round about midnight, and slept and slept till dawn. And for subsequent nights too.

Today, a few weeks from his second birthday, he can fall asleep on the bed without needing to be rocked, but with me (or grandma) beside him of course. (Of course, that didn’t just happen, you say? But it did. Daddy just asked him to sleep by himself on the bed one night, and it happened…Like a flick of a switch.)

Till now, I still wonder if it was a fluke on our part. That Javier was developmentally ready to sleep through peacefully, and we just happened to push him over the edge (or enhance the sleeping environment for him) by turning on the AC.

Whatever the case may be, I’m just glad to have a normal life back.

What I find funny is this — we crack our heads and spend half our zombified days fretting and trying to find a solution, and then suddenly the answer just appears, like a door you never saw. (I don’t like to generalise, but men sometimes have their moments of brilliance like that…)

And now I’m thinking that maybe just maybe it’s no use fretting and trying all ways and means to solve this and that problem with our babies. Maybe just maybe, it’s not really a problem per se.

No, I’m not saying that we leave them to their devices completely. But if you’ve tried and have left no stone unturned, then maybe it’s time to give it a rest. Maybe it’s okay to walk away from it all and process it when you’re able to do so without an emotional overload.

Maybe just maybe, they will be ready and do it all by themselves one day.

Maybe just maybe, despite all the best intentions of the Gina Fords, Elizabeth Pantleys and Tracy Hoggs, sleep is just a real mystery, one that needs time to unlock its secret keys…

But what do you think about children’s sleep? How do you cope with tiredness and lack of energy?

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: developmentally ready, parents, problems, Singapore, sleep issue

The best mother’s day gifts I could ever receive

May 8, 2013 6 Comments

This mother’s day, I am not expecting any presents. (Mainly because the hubby is away. Also because we managed to enjoy a movie and a nice brunch before he left.)

But I’d like to give myself some very important gifts.

Some of you may have read about my recent HFMD episode.

After recovering from that, I was ill again a few days later, falling prey to the flu bug.

Though the flu was a lot less painful, I was still feeling pretty down, almost wading in a pool of self-pity at times.

I found myself spending those silent pre-slumber moments telling God how much I really want to be well again. That I don’t want to be a grouchy and tired mama anymore. And that I really want to be able to enjoy my days with my family and friends.

Life is often unpredictable, and a big part of me wants to have it controlled, known, predictable. So that I know what’s going to happen next. Now I know that’s not fully possible, but I sure know now that the most important thing I can do for myself is to exercise, eat well and stay healthy.

So…I’ve taken some baby steps back to a healthy physical state. I’ve signed up for a pilates class running at a nearby community centre. And I’ve also been making sure I eat more fruits and drink more water (less caffeine too *ahem, still trying*) a day.

I’m also relooking my schedule of committed responsibilities and trying to see where I can “trim the fat” so to speak.

In place of things I’m choosing to remove or cut down on, I’m penciling in rest for mama, and favourite me-time activities like reading, swimming, and exploring new cafes with girlfriends.

I’m also looking forward to spending more time with God, and to reclaim those lost moments eaten up by distractions of every sort.

Something I’ve learnt during the recent “downtime” is that when we’re rushing about from activity to activity day by day, we tend to lose sight of the big picture, of the goals that we’ve set for ourselves.

But when life hits the pause button, I’m able to reflect on my life, the things that I’m doing well or not so well as a wife and mother. Somehow, my heart is free to explore and give voice to the dreams and purpose that God has deposited in me.

It’s all too easy to fill our lives with the humdrum of activity and busyness. But like how recent focus has been placed on returning pockets of empty time for children to play, create and allow their imagination to run wild, so it is with adults. We too need time to unwind, reflect, and create.

This mother’s day, I’m giving these gifts to myself:

The gift of less yelling, and more understanding.
The gift of a healthy and joyful life.
The gift of a restful life.

Of course, a hundred big hugs would be nice too…

A special treat for mums:

Focus on the Family is hosting a mother’s day contest on their Facebook page. Just hop over to this post and share how you rest and relax. You stand to win a hair treat or dining voucher. (Winners will be announced on Monday, May 13.)

Filed Under: Encouragement, Health, Motherhood Tagged With: best mother's day gift, healthy, relax, rest, wellness