Top 10 things kids need from their dads

June 18, 2013 11 Comments

On father’s day weekend, we were all busy packing and moving stuff around the house, and we didn’t have much time or energy left to celebrate. (Poor papa, we’ll make it up to you okay?)

As I was lying in bed, catching my breath, and listening to sounds of the kids playing with daddy outside, I realised how blessed I was to be able to just lie there and not worry about whether the kids were looked after or entertained or not.

Thus the inspiration for this post.

Here is a list of 10 things I think kids need most from their dads.

1. Your undivided attention

Yes, even after a long day of work, even if you’re dead beat, it doesn’t matter. The kids will climb all over you, want to play with you, fight to have their turn at piggy-back rides, and basically want your full attention. For at least 10 minutes. If you’re obliging, they may then let you off and give you some breathing space afterwards. I know, kids are funny like that.

2. Big bear hugs and tickly kisses

What can I say? Dads are naturally great givers of physical affection, and children are good receivers, so everybody wins.

3. Love and affirmation through words and action

While it may be natural to show your love through physical touch, don’t forget to use words too. I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that your little girl basks and glows in your words of praise, and encouragement. Well-chosen and spoken words will not only help her understand her value as a unique person, it can also help her to grow in confidence. I believe the same goes for little boys.

Always affirm your child’s worth and individual strengths. This means you can also be honest about their weaknesses, and help them adopt pro-active mindsets to improve or come up with ideas to overcome their challenges.

4. Rough and tumble playtime

Roughhousing is another daddy specialty. It’s not only playtime for the kids, it also helps them to develop love and trust. I mean, a child wouldn’t allow you to do stunts like flying through the air unless he trusts that you won’t let him fall, right? Oh, and it makes good exercise for the kids too.

5. To be seen loving and hugging mum

Whenever kids see daddy showing love to mum, I believe they feel secure and loved too. Vera’s at the age where she’s more sensitive to people’s expressions and reactions, and she sometimes reminds daddy to hold my hand. And now that she knows there’s a baby growing within me, she would remind him to be gentle when hugging me too, which we all find rather endearing.

6. Discipline

I understand different households work differently, and some fathers are not inclined to play the role of disciplinarian. But I do see the kids responding differently to the father’s chiding and discipline. Like there is a certain level of fear and reverence, which perhaps has to do with the father’s position of authority in the home. I believe dads play a key role in discipline and teaching, and it is most effective when both parents are in sync and able to back each other up.

“The objective of discipline is to help the child develop internal discipline–the capacity to make right choices even when there are influences to do otherwise.”

7. Prayer

Your children may not ask for it, but I think prayer is something that’s essential to their growing up and learning about God. Simple short prayers that they can understand, and subsequently participate in, work best.

8. Strength in the face of challenges

When the children are older and able to understand the concept of worry or struggle, just be aware that they are watching and learning from how you cope with the challenges you’re facing. If you model for them attitudes of positivity and determination, you’re giving them life-tools that they can call upon later in life.

9. Protection

This quote says it all: “As a huge oak tree provides shelter and protection for all the living things that nest in its branch, a strong man provides security and comfort for every member of his family.” (James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys)

10. Time

This is an obvious one. Need I say more?

And that makes my list of 10. What are the things that would make it into your list of 10?

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

33 and a baby

June 12, 2013 25 Comments

Dear baby in my womb,

Mummy turned 33 this week, and you’re probably the best birthday gift I can ever think of having.

Granted, news of you nearly made me fall off the chair (or to be precise, the toilet bowl). And news of you nearly made daddy, who was valiantly fighting “tigers and lions” in the jungles of Taiwan and fulfilling his national call of duty, almost require medic attention and a heli-evacuation to base camp.

But as the dust settles, we have managed to find our joy and purpose, and smile as we brace ourselves to re-enter into this baby season of life. Third time round.

(And for the record, this has got to be the last time we hit the baby button.)

Mummy has been busying myself acting like a scrap collector, re-collecting all the baby items I had gleefully given away over the past 12 months, thinking to myself, “goodbye and good riddance.”

Our storeroom is as bare as I’ve ever seen it before, well…and probably as it’ll ever be again.

Daddy is busy making arrangements to the house. We are finally going to move into the master bedroom, and ship your big bro and sis out into a proper kiddy room (almost).

Oh yes, speaking of your older siblings, I suppose you’ve already heard them laughing, talking, crying, and yelling. You’re probably wondering who they are and how fun it’ll be to play with them. I can assure you they’re heaps of fun, a little crazy and over-the-top, but cute and cuddly on most days. They won’t bite or pinch or bully you, and we will do our best to ensure you’re safe in their company.

Vera already has practice so she should be even better since it’s her second-time. Btw she hopes you’re a girl because “boys are noisy and naughty and dirty.”

Meanwhile, mummy is well, no morning sickness, no cravings, just hungry all the time.

My brain has been going into overdrive, trying to refocus on all those historical (hysterical?) baby moments, and call them back into proper shape and form, so as to better prepare for your arrival in…countdown, 28 weeks’ time.

But don’t worry, if all else fails, I have girlfriends on standby 24/7 with onhand and up-to-date professional baby and boobie knowledge.

You are in safe hands. So don’t worry. Let mummy and daddy do the worrying. (Yup, financials, house rearrangement, carer support, and other boring things…)

You just sit tight until it’s time to come out, i.e., 1st Jan 2014.

And if you ever feel tired of lazing around in your watery bubble bag, you can ponder over my favourite psalm of the day.

For He created your inmost being;
    He knit you together in my womb.
I praise Him because you are fearfully and wonderfully made;
    His works are wonderful,
    I know that full well. 

I think that psalm was written for you.

Love you sweetie…We can’t wait to meet you in person…

mummee

Filed Under: Motherhood, Oh, baby baby, Pregnancy Tagged With: , ,

How to cope with primary school stress

May 23, 2013 9 Comments

Vera turned four this year, and already I’ve started to get questions about where we intend to enrol her for her primary education.

There’s only one word to describe how I feel whenever I get asked.

Stress…

There’s something so unknown and unfamiliar about primary school that makes me break in cold sweat. Plus all the stories I hear about daily homework and what-nots.

I recently had the opportunity to have a conversation with Fiona Walker, Principal of Schools, Julia Gabriel Education. Naturally, I asked her the questions I had in my mind about primary school education and how to prepare my child for it.

Here’s what she shared with me…

~~~~~~

1. What do you identify as the key sources of pre-primary stress? How can parents prepare ourselves to deal with these?

I think that parents themselves are one of the sources of pre-primary stress. There is an element of group hysteria in the need to make sure children are prepared for primary school and the focus is on academic readiness. Because of this, there is a huge market in enrichment classes and tuition schools who feed on the concern by providing courses and classes, which “prepare” children for primary school.

Very often, once the child enters Primary One and is able to cope with the school work, the worry evaporates. For this reason, first time parents are usually much more concerned than parents who have had other children go into primary school.

To avoid being caught up in group pressure, make sure you find out what exactly are the requirements of primary school. Ensure your child meets those criteria but also keep your expectations realistic.

2. How can parents prepare their children to better cope with the transition?

The move to primary school is a big transition for any child. They will go from being the eldest in their preschool, which is usually in a small nurturing environment, to being the youngest in a large and initially confusing school.

Most children find the level of independence expected a bit daunting. I think that a visit to the new primary school is great. The more familiar they can be with the new environment or new routine, the better. Also prepare your child for buying food in the canteen, by giving them opportunity to ask for food in the food court and handle money when making a purchase.

There is a huge amount of emphasis placed on all the things they must do and remember and this can produce a bit of anxiety, so take the time to talk to your child about your happy memories from primary school. Talk about the friendships you made, the adventures you had and the experiences you remember.

Children going into primary school are six years old – still very young. They must not feel burdened by the worries you may have.

3. Which is more important? Academic preparedness or social-emotional preparedness, or both? Why?

In Singapore, both are important. Our school system requires children to have certain academic skills when they enter Primary One, so it is important they are able to manage the workload.

However a child who has confidence and resilience is more likely to enjoy the experience. Strong social skills and healthy self-esteem will mean they find it easier to make friends and ask questions when they are unsure.

If I had to just pick one though, I would choose social-emotional preparedness because it is generally easier for a child to pick up the academic skills if they didn’t have them than build low self confidence, especially if they have found the experience of a new school and social environment distressing.

4. If you could give parents in Singapore a word of advice, what would it be?

Here are two pieces of advice:

  • You know your child best so have realistic expectations. By all means, shoot for the stars but be fair. It is not fair to expect a child who has no Mandarin exposure outside of his hour-a-day, five-days-a-week in preschool to get 95 per cent all the way through primary school.
  • Remember childhood is short and there is no one out there who is going to protect your child’s childhood other than you. If you don’t carve out time for him to explore, play and dream, no one else will and your child will have been robbed of the most magical time of their lives. You can’t get it back!!

~~~~~~

I hope these insights are able to give us some new ideas in navigating this rather touchy topic.

I really value Fiona’s reminder that we as parents are also guardians of our children’s most precious time of their lives – their childhood…

What comes to your mind when you think about primary school education for your child? How would you like your child to experience primary school? 

Filed Under: Education Tagged With: , , , ,

What does it take to raise socially responsible kids in Singapore?

May 16, 2013 3 Comments

Do you want your child to learn how to be socially responsible?

To be more aware of social issues, be able to think of ways to achieve a better way of life, and take the appropriate action?

Enter the Design for Change (DFC) School Challenge.

Brainstorming

Organised in Singapore by social enterprise SoCh in Action (an abbreviation for social change in action), all components of the programme are designed to empower 8-14 year olds to make a positive change in society. Now in its fourth year, some 45 schools, and 1200 students have gone through the DFC programme.

Madhu Verma, Founder of SoCh, says, “The interesting thing is that we begin by asking the children what bothers them, and then get them to go out and fix it themselves. By enabling children to take charge of the issues that affect them, we are inculcating a life-long habit where children assume responsibility instead of waiting to be told what to do.”

I had a chance to speak with Madhu to find out more about the DFC Challenge. Here are snippets of our conversation…

~~~~~~

1. What inspired you to start this movement?

I believe that social change and connecting to society should be a way of life. There are many simple things that one can do, and it doesn’t mean you have to build houses or plant trees. Even small little action steps can be taken to bring about positive change.

I’m a mother. My son was 9 years old when I started this.  I drew inspiration from my desire to help my child be more socially conscious, and learn to give back. I found out that when a child is around 8-9 years old, it is prime time for them to understand and explore this concept of giving back.

I also felt that there was a gap. There were many programmes for youths to make a difference, but nobody was asking the child these questions: What issues bother you, and how can you make a difference?

In the Singapore education system, we tend to celebrate the smartest child. But we don’t really celebrate the one who’s the most kind, empathetic, and generous.

2. How exactly do you guide the children to contribute to society? 

We meet with the students in a series of workshops, in which we provide tools for the students to perform and do their project.

1) We inspire them by sharing stories, connecting them to society/issues, helping them identify causes they can relate to.

2) We provide them with the tools to implement their ideas. It’s based on a design-thinking process – that is employed through creative thinking and problem-solving activities.

3) We empower them through the process, and as a result they are able to have a real social impact in their community.

After these workshops, they are ready to implement their project. They submit it, and at the end of the year, there is an annual event, where these projects are showcased in Singapore. The event serves as a celebration of their work and ideas.

When I started working with children, it was an amazing journey. I saw that this platform actually presents an opportunity for them to act on something that is close to their hearts, and empowers them to go out to do it.

3. What are some of the more interesting projects you’ve come across?

There are many different social causes. Some are concerned about genetically modified food, or other environmental issues.

One particular child (from Clementi Primary) was bothered about how teachers and parents “make a monster out of PSLE.” And because they make a monster out of it, it becomes a monster for us! (Those were his exact words.)

This boy went on to craft a message: that PSLE is not a monster. And that we can have better attitudes towards it.

At the end of the day, while we can’t really measure the impact he made with that project, we saw how much this student himself actually changed.

It’s all about the attitude.

There was another project on showing respect for elderly cleaners. Often, we don’t know the names of these people who clean our tables every day. We barely acknowledge their work, and they are generally not respected in the community. Through this project, students became more aware of these cleaners and more started clearing their own plates after a meal.

So, it’s about stopping and thinking about the world around you. When we gives children an avenue to think, and not just be told by others what to do, they actually start to own the problem it and be empowered by a spirit of “I can”.

~~~~~~

The DFC programme crosses socio-economic and racial barriers, and is tailored for every child.

SoCh will be offering holiday programmes at the end of this year for the first time. If you’d like to be updated, please email Madhu at: contact@sochinaction.com. Do also watch out for the Be the Change Exposition 2013 that happens in November.

I’m heartened that are such programmes available to help our kids grow in an area that is easily overlooked. Yet at the same time, I’m also sorely aware that social change and responsibility begins with us parents, and our children will first and foremost learn from our own attitudes and behaviour.

Which is why I hope you’ll take a few minutes to read this inspiring post by fellow blogger Elisa, who started A Litter At A Time. Let’s a lot to learn from her experience and exemplary behaviour. ;)

Do you have a heart for a special cause? How would you rope your children in to contribute towards this cause?

Filed Under: Education, Learning is fun Tagged With: , , ,

Sleep no enough

May 13, 2013 12 Comments

Sleep is almost always a big huge thorn in the butt for parents. Most of my friends with newborns or young babies are usually asking about sleep, naps, schedule, tactics, strategies, and the rest of it.

Javier was a rockabye baby. I remember when he was two to three months old, I felt like my arms were dropping off from all that rocking, so I turned to the yaolan for a few months. It helped because I could train him to settle into a reasonable routine (inspired by Gina Ford with a few of my own personalised tweaks). And when night came, I just made sure that he slept in his cot.

Overall, he was a better sleeper compared to Vera. Less yelling and fussing when sleepy-time came. More disciplined after feeding so he would unlatch and sleep when he had had his fill. I once thought he was quite the dream baby actually.

Then he reached his one-year milestone, and somewhere between that and 18 months, things went downhill. We saw periods of bad sleep, interspersed with some good “miracle” nights. But unfortunately, bad was the norm — He woke multiple times in the night, always needing some rocking and cajoling before going back to sleep.

When he started childcare at 20 months, his sleep remained pretty bad, partially due to the onset of flus and fevers, we think. It wasn’t till after 2 months had passed that we saw the light, which was just about time as I was starting to tear my hair out and scream, “What are we doing wrong?”

His nap was a good solid 1.5 – 2 hours, and he had a bedtime routine. Apart from sometimes running around playing with his sister, and getting a bit too excited because of that, I just couldn’t identify anything that could be the culprit. He was eating well at dinner-time (which was a clear two hours prior to bedtime), and having his milk before bed. We even tried to give him some bread with his milk for a time, just to eliminate hunger as the issue.

Then one day, hubby had a revelation. He suggested turning on the aircon for Javier at night. I felt dubious, but went along. We had nothing to lose, barring some increase in PUB bills.

Guess what? It worked like a charm. That first night with air-con, Javier slept and slept, with only a stirring round about midnight, and slept and slept till dawn. And for subsequent nights too.

Today, a few weeks from his second birthday, he can fall asleep on the bed without needing to be rocked, but with me (or grandma) beside him of course. (Of course, that didn’t just happen, you say? But it did. Daddy just asked him to sleep by himself on the bed one night, and it happened…Like a flick of a switch.)

Till now, I still wonder if it was a fluke on our part. That Javier was developmentally ready to sleep through peacefully, and we just happened to push him over the edge (or enhance the sleeping environment for him) by turning on the AC.

Whatever the case may be, I’m just glad to have a normal life back.

What I find funny is this — we crack our heads and spend half our zombified days fretting and trying to find a solution, and then suddenly the answer just appears, like a door you never saw. (I don’t like to generalise, but men sometimes have their moments of brilliance like that…)

And now I’m thinking that maybe just maybe it’s no use fretting and trying all ways and means to solve this and that problem with our babies. Maybe just maybe, it’s not really a problem per se.

No, I’m not saying that we leave them to their devices completely. But if you’ve tried and have left no stone unturned, then maybe it’s time to give it a rest. Maybe it’s okay to walk away from it all and process it when you’re able to do so without an emotional overload.

Maybe just maybe, they will be ready and do it all by themselves one day.

Maybe just maybe, despite all the best intentions of the Gina Fords, Elizabeth Pantleys and Tracy Hoggs, sleep is just a real mystery, one that needs time to unlock its secret keys…

But what do you think about children’s sleep? How do you cope with tiredness and lack of energy?

pretending to sleep

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,

Home alone (with two)

May 6, 2013 9 Comments

Daddy’s gone overseas for reservist for three whole weeks. This means I’m pretty much home alone with my two little darlings for the next three weekends.

Cue Macaulay Culkin’s shaving cream slapped on face scene.

Haha, I jest. But only slightly.

Well I’m thankful that now I’m pretty much able to handle the kids by myself, on most days at least. They’ve reached a bit of a sweet spot, and have started to play together, or at least be doing their own thing in the same room. Some days, I wake up at 8am (instead of the usual 7am) to find both of them awake and playing by themselves outside.

No, wait…Who am I trying to kid?

Such pockets of bliss happen but there’s also the ugly side.

As he nears the age of two, or the age of un-reason, Javier’s temper tantrums have started to reach a peak. At the same time, Vera’s displaying a new emo-ness. It arises whenever her little bro snatches her things or destroys her possessions. Or when she’s eating something she finds “messy” or when there’s “too much food everywhere”.

Whatever it is, she’s been needing a whole lot more attention and affirmation. I’m aware that she’s four and she’s entering a new phase, but I haven’t quite got a good grasp of its full nature and how to help her cope better.

By and large, it is a challenging period. One that we’ve managed to scrape by with a few time-outs, a few hell-knows-no-fury-like-a-two-year-old confrontations, some timely distractions, and paddle whacks on the hand or behind. (Oh and let’s not forget that trusty pack of raisins I carry around in my purse to diffuse some of those meltdown moments.)

Thankfully, there’s the nearby park/playgrounds/library/malls. I’ve also recently tried letting them hang out at a nearby foodcourt, where there is an open space and I can park myself at the nearest table where I can see them full view, and…hear this, actually be able to READ A BOOK! (No doubt it’s distracted reading because I need to keep looking up and down, but reading no less.)

I’ve also prepared for the worst by asking for help. One Saturday morning is already filled with a swim date. And a kind couple who stay nearby have even offered refuge in their home.

If all else fails, there’s always ice-cream.

I’ve picked up a few play ideas from attending a Parenting with Confidence workshop (while sitting in and preparing myself to facilitate the workshop one day). Here are some that’s on my to-do list:

  • Throw paper balls into a bin
  • Hide & Seek Biscuits – Hide biscuits in foil and let the kids hunt for their snacks

Oh, I’m also going to make short clips of the kids having fun or saying something sweet to send to daddy over whatsapp. (Shh, don’t tell him!)

But apart from having to entertain the kids, I think I have a bigger challenge on my hands…It’s having to answer this question that I’m sure will be asked 2,829 times a day.

Filed Under: Discipline, Family Tagged With: , , ,

Cultivating a growth mindset in our children

April 23, 2013 8 Comments

“Sometimes the problem with a child isn’t too little effort. It’s too much. And for the wrong cause. We’ve all heard about schoolchildren who stay up past midnight every night studying. Or children who are sent to tutors so they can outstrip their classmates. These children are working hard, they’re typically not in a growth mindset. They’re not focused on love of learning. They’re usually trying to prove themselves to their parents.”

I’ve been reading and enjoying Mindset by Carol Dweck. In her years of research as a world-renowned psychologist, Carol has found that there exists two different mindsets in people. They either have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset.

The growth mindset says: Go for it. Make it happen. Develop your skills. Learn from your mistakes.

The fixed mindset says: Don’t do it. Don’t take the risk. Others may see that you’re not as talented as you ought to be.

People with fixed mindsets are constantly judging (themselves and well as others). The underlying assumption is that character traits are fixed and unchangeable.

People with growth mindsets are observing but not judging. They’re always asking: What can I learn from this? How can I improve? How can I help my partner do better?

Moving from a fixed to a growth mindset entails “changing the internal monologue from a judging one to a growth-oriented one.”

Some tips from her book:

  • Encourage to enjoy – help remind your children to enjoy the things they are learning, be it piano, dance or speech and drama.
  • Study to understand – encourage them to study for understanding, not for cramming and regurgitating it on exam papers, and not merely for grades
  • Focus on process – talk to them about the learning process rather than the outcome
  • Praise them for effort and for trying something new or challenging. Try not to focus on results alone.

We can also help our kids along by asking the right questions:

  • What did you learn today?
  • What mistake did you make that taught you something?
  • What did you try hard at today?

Perhaps the most difficult thing for us as parents is actually living the growth mindset out. Modelling how it should be is always a lot harder, especially since most of us have some degree of fixedness in certain areas.

It’s about believing that you can grow, and that you still have much to learn. (The same goes for our kids.)

It’s about giving voice to courage, being willing to try new things and facing up to the risk of  failure, or at least not letting fear make you run in the other direction.

I used to run the other direction. When I was in school, I didn’t like failing, so I made sure I didn’t try so hard. (It just ain’t cool to be trying hard and then failing, you know?)

When stuff like A Maths got too difficult in Secondary Four, I remember going through a mental debate. My fixed-oriented self said “Drop it, you’re not good at maths, just forget it, it’s not worth the effort to struggle without knowing what you’re going to get.” My growth-oriented self said “Give it a shot. You never know…You might surprise yourself.”

I went for it in the end, despite my teacher pushing me in the other direction. I can’t take much credit for going ahead, because I probably wouldn’t have done so if not for a friend who was in the same boat and who encouraged me to go through with it.

I didn’t top the class, but I was happy with the result, and boy did I mug for it.

Now, as a working adult, it’s a constant drive to achieve good results for my clients. From my recent work experiences, I’ve learnt that you can really grow and stretch beyond your means by stepping out of your comfort zone, and not by sticking to what you’re comfortable with.

As I continue to grow in various aspects and in different roles, I hope to be able to model this growth mindset to my children, that they may catch it and run their own race.

May this be a little reminder to us:

“You may have needed a daughter who was number one in everything, but your daughter needed something else: Acceptance from her parents and freedom to grow.”

Filed Under: Education, Encouragement Tagged With: , , , , ,

On family bonding, free play and unconditional love

April 15, 2013 8 Comments

I took part in a panel discussion on family bonding last weekend organised by Oreo and the good folks at Text100.

Early childhood specialists Esther Ng, Jacqui Balloqui-Probert, and Yang Chien-Hui shared their views and experience from working with troubled or special needs children and their families.

Parents from all walks of life shared about the different ways we bond with our families, ranging from weekly lunch dates to one-on-one time with our children. Doing homework, by the way, doesn’t quite count as a bonding activity due to its task-oriented nature.

We also shared our universal struggles of having not enough time, and of the increasingly competitive and hectic lifestyles that hinder our efforts in building relationships within the home.

I struggle too, despite having flexible work arrangement. Despite having two extra weekdays at home with my children, I find that a portion of this time could easily be eaten up by urgent work-related requests or phone-calls. Either that or sometimes time just slips me by, and I find myself feeling guilty when I’m unable to spend as much time as I wanted playing with the kids.

And at this age, they need loads of play. Jacqui, an art psychotherapist and youth counselor, shared that play is an essential part of childhood (and even adults need to play more often). Through play, we learn to interact socially and form relationships, and develop emotionally.

Despite the time I carve out for family, I realise I still need to intentionally switch on to play mode, and sometimes my need for routine and to “get things done” stand in the way of me simply enjoying my children.

In this day and age where online modes of interaction are slowly replacing face-to-face time, it is all the more important that parents take charge and build in positive interactions into our everyday.

This is where we all need to get creative. One father shared about how he steals lunch-hour once a week to have a 20-minutes sports activity with his son. En route to the meeting at L’etoile cafe, I also caught a glimpse of bonding in action. One mum was teaching her daughter (around 5 or 6 years old) how to read. I thought to myself that this must be the way to go. I love cafes, me-time, relaxing with people I love, and here it is — the answer to all manner of education-related stress! Chilling out and teaching your own kids in a relaxing atmosphere, while enjoying your Saturday morning. That’s creative parenting at work!

You don’t need to stress yourself filling every minute of the day with high-level bonding activities, and 15-30 minutes of quality time and undivided attention goes a long way, says Esther.

These could be the everyday games or sports that we love playing, or even a walk in the park. We could ask our children what they would like to do for a change, and meet their desires, even if we don’t like their preferred activity all that much.

One takeaway for me is that we should seek to affirm their heart and efforts whenever possible and remember not to put them down. Especially for younger children who while helpful, are not fully able to be wash the dishes clean or to clear the remnants on a plate without bits falling on the floor. Their hearts may be 100% but the results would usually be around 50-60%.

The challenge then, is to put aside the domestic goddesses in each of us and to praise their heart and their efforts. And perhaps when appropriate, ask them how they think they can do better next time.

Another key to strong relationships is to give our children room to make mistakes. As parents, we can temper our own expectations so that our kids don’t get paralysed by the fear and unrealistic expectations that they should ever get less than 100% at every test.

One last takeaway for me is to place zero conditions on my love.

My kids may not be at the age where I return home from work and ask them, “Have you done your homework?” But I do still ask questions like “Have you had your milk yet?” and “Were you a good girl/boy today?” – questions heavily loaded with parental expectations. So often, we feel the pressure to raise “good kids” that we place overwhelming emphasis on either ace behaviour or ace results, and unconsciously send out a message that it’s only when they do good, then they will receive our love.

Chien-Hui wraps it up nicely when she said that from this strong foundation of family and relationships, trust and communication, children are prepared to face the world and the challenges that will most definitely come their way.

Indeed, family is the launchpad for success in all other areas of life.

What are your favourite ways to bond with your family? 

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