10 surefire ways to lose your joy

I was doing my devotion one Sunday, and came across this devotional passage on how to lose your joy. It spoke about prayerlessness, fear, self-centredness, focusing on circumstances, as some of the main culprits and joy-stealers. It also listed two of the biggest culprits: dissatisfaction and ingratitude.

It made me think. About the different ways that I allow everyday frustrations to block my joy-sensors and overwhelm me with a sense of dread and anger.

Here are my 10 surefire ways to lose your joy as a mum.

1) Compare yourself with other mums, especially those who are thinner, prettier, younger, etc etc.

2) Desire what other mums have that you don’t.

3) Don’t be thankful for the things you have. Focus instead on what you do not have. (And grumble about it to your spouse daily.)

4) Be quick to anger when your kids act up or throw tantrums.

5) Be quick to anger when your hubby forgets to do something that he promised to do.

6) Keep worrying about the future. Keep mulling over your anxieties and fears about what will happen IF… Let your fears paralyse you from doing what you really want to do.

7) Dig up the past. When you speak to your kids, use sentences that begin with “When I was your age…” and keep bringing up past grudges to use against your hubby and put him on a guilt trip.

8) Stop playing with your kids. Make sure that every minute of their time is “well-utilised”. If not, enrol them in some enrichment class or tuition or sport. (Keep telling them they need to get ahead because we “live in such a competitive society”.)

9) Compare your child to everybody else’s kid in every single way (grades, height, weight, looks). Make your child (and yourself) miserable by telling him how much he does not measure up.

10) Focus on every negative thought, every tough circumstance you find yourself in, and keep dwelling on it. Remember that your glass is always half empty.

Heh, I know I kid. But I think to some extent, we tend to fall into the trap of such negative, joy-stealing habits once in a while. If we are able to consciously and conscientiously do the opposite of all of the above, I think we’ll cope much better with life’s plentiful stresses and challenges. Wouldn’t you agree?

What are your biggest joy-stealers?

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    • mamawearpapashirt says

      You’re right there, Maddie. Can’t agree more. They’re so creepy and subconscious, these comparing thoughts. And they do nothing but make you feel bad…On the flipside though, I’ve also been inspired by some mums who are doing well in general at work and at home, and being able to learn a few things from them is the positive side of it. It can still be challenging, as we have to battle the negative, self-depreciating thoughts before we get into the mode of learning. I guess it takes humility, and acknowledging that there’s so much more to learn. And also just an honest view of ourselves or our children, and seeing that we have strengths as well as weaknesses to work on. We are work-in-progress! 🙂

  1. says

    I like this post June…thanks for sharing these apt reminders… Each time I turned my focus away from God and look inward, my joy and strength erode. For me, I need to work on building up my self-worth. I do fall into the trap that other Moms are prettier, slimmer, more capable/talented/refined…Each time D misbehaves, I feel lousy for not doing good enough a job at Mothering…I even feel that my hubs shortchanged himself when he married me! There’s so much God needs to transform me…Thank God He never gives up on us and He sends angels like you to remind me not to lose sight of my joys 🙂
    Angie S recently posted..Tuesday’s Thoughts: Shadow of a Tiger Mom?My Profile

    • mamawearpapashirt says

      Amen to Him never giving up on us. Hey, thanks for your honesty, Angie. I think we all have our fears and insecurities, and I often contend with feelings of unworthiness or unloveableness too. But I must say this, our hubbies are definitely not shortchanged! Lol. 😉

  2. says

    Gosh, I think Numbers 1 & 9 are my biggest joy-stealers! It’s really hard not to compare, especially when we live in such a competitive country. I tell myself that I won’t compare and I won’t worry, but some other mummies will come and ask me if my baby has done this and that yet, and I will start worrying again! I need to constantly remind myself to enjoy my happy baby, rather than think about him not meeting his milestones. Thanks for helping me to keep my perspective. 🙂
    Adeline recently posted..Baby PhotosMy Profile

    • mamawearpapashirt says

      Haha, I can’t disagree can I? (We haven’t got to that stage yet, but oh so not looking forward…)

  3. says

    I’m really guilty of #6 and #7. I am paranoid so I always worry about the future (which I cannot control)! And I’m also always looking to the past and wishing things could be like last time or bearing grudges from the past. Sigh. So silly right? We should all be focusing on the present! I’m getting better at this though. Living for today. Thank you for this post. It’s a great reminder to all of us 🙂
    Zee recently posted..My ambition was to be a full-time working motherMy Profile

    • mamawearpapashirt says

      We’re all getting better at it, as long as we’re aware or not feeling too overwhelmed by stuff at the present moment. Thanks for sharing too, Zee! 🙂

  4. says

    The photo of Vera looking so grumpy is so cute hehe. I am guilty of comparing, even between my 2 kids, hai. But I always remind myself to celebrate the achievements no matter how small it may be. And being thankful brings alot of different perspective into whatever situations one is facing. Take joy and be thankful everyday!
    qiu xian recently posted..Hook, line and no more sinkerMy Profile

    • mamawearpapashirt says

      Hi Qiu xian, I know, it’s like a reflex action ya? Agreed, thankfulness does change our perspective on a whole lot of things. Hope you’re keeping well, and thanks for sharing here. 🙂

    • mamawearpapashirt says

      Hey Jean, sorry I missed replying earlier. Yeah aren’t we all qualified warriors and worriers? I don’t like anxiety because it makes me tense and triggers me to take action without much planning or discussion with the hubby. Either that or it makes me really unpleasant to be with.

      But when I start to be pro-active and take my worries to God and the man, I find that putting our heads and hearts together to deal with the issue really helps me. I think men somehow manage to stay calm in difficult situations…or maybe they don’t show it much on the surface. I hope and pray that you guys manage to find some sustainable solutions to improve your situation!

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