Category Archives: Parenting

Priorities, priorities

April 2, 2012 By in Parenting, Toddler Tags: , , , 8 Comments

How do you tell where your priorities are? It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? Just look at the things that we spend our time on.

As a parent, naturally the bulk of my time is spent on all things kids-related, including home-learning activities and erm, blogging, which is all about the kids anyway.

Then there’s work, maintenance-related activities such as household chores, leisure activities (blogging can fall under this as well), and faith-related stuff like going to church, daily devotions, etc.

I recently read this post by Focus on the Family titled ‘Five minutes with the Bible’, and it struck me that while I’ve been diligent in scheduling nap times, bath times, meal times, and bedtime, I haven’t been quite as disciplined in scheduling bible time with Vera.

I recall that when she was between 18-24 months, she was really keen on us reading her kiddy bible together. It’s My Good Night Bible, a hand-me-down from one of her cousins. I actually quite like this bible, as the stories are well-illustrated and easy to read, and every story comes with a short prayer as well.

But a couple of months and some new books later, she stopped asking to read it. I guess she grew to love other books, and we too haven’t been nudging her back to it enough.

Then she saw her daddy doing devotion one morning, and she immediately ran to take her bible out, plonked herself down beside him, and started to read it (well, at least flip through the pages and do a running commentary about the pictures.)

That really drove home a point for me - that kids learn most quickly by watching our behaviour. Which means that whatever behavior / habit we want our kids to have, we gotta DO IT ourselves!

So…I’m going to work on some new habits for myself and my little ones:

  • Set aside daily Bible time - mornings are a mad rush for me. I basically have time to brush my teeth, change my clothes, and grab a bun, oh and the toddler, on my way out. (That is, after feeding baby J, and throwing some ingredients into the crockpot for his lunch.) So I figured that the best time is before Vera’s afternoon nap time.
  • Play songs from Seeds Family Worship when the kids are at play. The site features songs inspired by actual Bible passages.
  • Model the behaviour ourselves - no shortcuts and no excuses yeah? Gotta walk the talk right? ;)

I know it will take many months and even years to cultivate this Bible-reading habit, but the fruit of this labour will certainly be worth it.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. - Prov 22:6

How do you encourage your little ones along in their spiritual growth?

Read also: G for Jesus

The tantrum

March 29, 2012 By in Parenting, Toddler Tags: , , , 11 Comments

The Daddy and daughter were playing star jumps…

Then her mood changed,
swift and without warning.
Her eyes turned red, and she shook her head.
“It’s not like that”
Star jumps are not like that, she said.

Her daddy turned away, and she was left standing
in the same spot where the
jumps had been.

Mummy gave her the options:
Go have your milk, or go lie down on your bed.
She wanted neither,
she looked just about to burst.
And when a voice was raised, she did.

Mummy led the crying girl to her room, saying,
“You can stay here until you are ready.”
There were some screams and a pail of tears.

Then daddy came and she asked to be carried
so she can feel safe and loved again.
But we said, stop crying first.
Calm down.
Her sobs turned to whimpers,
her tears hung suspended
mid-cheek.

Lost in their moment of folly.

~~~

After the episode, we hugged and made up, and Vera said: “Sorry, papa…sorry, mummy”, without being prompted, for the very first time.

I learnt a big lesson that day. That we don’t need to let anger take over when something goes awry. And it need not be a battle between the big people and the little people. Sometimes, our little people just need a bit of help processing their emotions — which can be humongous by the way.

And because we stayed relatively calm through the entire episode, she was able to regain her feelings of normal-ness quicker and with less drama.

But it’s not always easy. I lose my cool more often than I would like, and I have to keep reminding myself to be more patient. What’s more, Vera seems to be at a stage where she can turn moody pretty quickly, when things are not done in the way that she expects. It’s a real challenge trying to get her to see things a little differently, but I guess as with everything else, she will learn. We just gotta keep at it, and hopefully it’ll be sooner rather than later.

Funny how something as innocent as star jumps could trigger a tantrum so quickly. But thankfully, this one went away as suddenly as it came.

Here is a photo of our little Shrek in a fit, taken at about 12 months.

What do you do when your little one throws a tantrum?

Read also:

The best thing a father can do

March 23, 2012 By in Family, Parenting Tags: , , , 6 Comments

I came across this quote the other day by John Wooden, a renowned basketball coach.

“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”

It struck a deep chord within me, as I reflected upon our marriage and parenting journey over the past few years. In our society and culture in Singapore, we often see a father as the provider, protector, and strength of the family. Granted, many mothers today also play these roles to varying extents.

And as I think about this simple quote, I realise that the roles and responsibilities that a father often shoulders are in actual fact so closely linked to, and can be boiled down to this one thing — LOVING HIS WIFE. He can’t fully provide if the marriage love is in shambles, neither can he fully protect.

But when the love within the marriage is strong, even when trials and challenges present themselves, the family stands a good fighting chance of weathering them together.

So today, I just want to express my thankfulness and love for the man in my house — my God-fearing, loving and also laughter-inducing husband, who also helps out with the kids as much as he can.

Although we may be walking through some challenging circumstances right now, I know things will be alright. As long as we walk hand-in-hand, our hearts open to God in obedience, He will surely carry us through.

A loving marriage is the foundation of a strong, healthy family. Do you agree?

Read also: The power of a father

Where in the world did my baby go?

March 8, 2012 By in Oh, baby baby, Parenting Tags: , , , 7 Comments

Dear baby J,

This is my second letter to you. (But who’s counting anyway.)

I was prompted to write this one evening after our usual bedtime nursing session. I looked down at you as you lay peacefully drifting off to sleep, and I thought to myself:

Where in the world did my baby go?

You spent 9 peaceful months in the womb, and now it’s been 9 months in the great and wild outdoors. I know you’re having the time of your life — exploring places on all fours with that focused leopard crawl of yours, finding leverage on anything to lift yourself onto your twos, and emptying out every little drawer or container in the house. Oh and let’s not forget, terrorizing your grandma and bullying her into carrying you around for the other parts of the day. While your everyday smile, that wide-eyed cheeky boyish grin, remains, the baby part of you — your gummy grins, your botak head, your vulnerability and your soft folds of skin — is fast vanishing.

I almost sound like I’m craving for another baby, but trust me I’m not. I’m just wishing we could rewind time to a couple months back.

Not that I would do anything differently, even if that really happened.

Except maybe

I would linger more,

not rush about as much,

leave a bit of shopping undone,

just to be with you.

And watch you grow.

Not too long now till you start zipping about on your twos, demanding for your rights and entitlements in the form of fun or yummy goods, running around and having a whale of a time with your sister…and I know that there’ll be wonderful things to look forward to, to discover and delight in together.

But for now, will you excuse me for staring at you a little bit longer than usual…I just need to savour you in the present.

That’s all.

Love, mama.

A mother is…

February 3, 2012 By in Parenting, Writings & ramblings Tags: , 3 Comments

~ An obstacle course to a baby who’s just discovered the use for legs.

~ Someone who plans more play dates than date nights.

~ Someone who tries to be slow to anger, and quick to listen. (But it often ends up the other way around.)

~ One whose arms are a rocking bed, lap is a lounge chair, and bosom is a contour pillow.

~ A discipline master and control freak. Period.

~ Someone who hones her creativity, problem solving skills, and entertaining abilities on a daily basis. (How else do you keep a toddler and a baby happy?)

~ A worrywart.

~ Also a daughter, friend, wife, sister, and contributor to the economy (regardless of whether you are SAHM, WAHM, or FTWM).

~ Always multi-tasking.

~ Someone who’s almost always feeling guilty.

~ Always on call.

~ A work-in-progress.

~ Always giving.

~ A WOW-man.

~ A privileged profession with a job description that includes cleaning poo, wiping bottoms, and mediating wars, where you’re paid in pure love.

~ An organized mess.

~ The most important job on this planet.

~ THE boss.

…

Among other things, that is.