Baby sleep problems probably top the list of worries for most parents. Why can’t my baby sleep through the night? Why does she use me as a constant pacifier?

Questions like these and more plague the tired and anxious minds of most parents, particularly the mothers.

I shudder when I recall those nights of unchained sleep when Vera was between 8-18 months. She has been established on a firm routine since about 2-3 months, so where was the problem coming from? Well, just to mention a few:

• Breast-feeding to sleep
• Rocking to sleep

These associations have probably led to Vera’s over-reliance on others when falling asleep, instead of learning to fall asleep on her own. So much so that when she awoke during the night, she would cry to be picked up / breastfed.

Thankfully her sleep got progressively better with age, and now she can get through an entire night of between 10-11 hours of sleep (at age 2.0), with an occasional waking on bad days.

In view of the arrival of our second child, I’ve been pouring over Elizabeth Pantley’s well-known book ‘The No-Cry Sleep Solution’ hoping to find some new solutions. Here’s a snapshot of the underlying principles behind her views:

• She walks the middle ground between the ‘Cry-it-out’ method and the ‘grin-and-bear-it’ approach. With her ‘gentle, no-cry approaches’, she encourages her readers to pick and adapt the techniques that best suit their needs, and their child’s.
• ‘Get realistic’ – sometimes we have unreal expectations about our baby’s sleep, and just need to realize that night wakings are natural and even necessary (for feeding) for young babies. The problem lies not with the child, but with the way we as parents view sleep. Point to note: “A baby is considered to be sleeping through the night when she sleeps five consecutive hours…”

What I found particularly helpful was her gentle ways of breaking established sleep associations (which was the case for Vera). For a baby who has gotten used to sucking to sleep, or to prevent such an association from forming, she suggests:

• letting the baby suckle until she is almost asleep, but not fully, and remove the pacifier, breast, or bottle from her mouth. If the baby cries, it is fine to return it to his mouth, but repeat the process of removal after a while (it may take a few times for a persistent baby).
• put the baby in bed when he is sleepy, rather than sleeping. If he fusses, it is fine to pick him up, but keep trying to let him learn to fall asleep on his own.

Some other tips that I’ve picked up from her book:

• Establish a pre-bed routine, for e.g. a calming bath, massage, milk, bedtime story, then sleep
• Set early bedtime – young babies are naturally primed to sleep at 6-7pm
• Naps during the day and nighttime sleep are closely intertwined – if baby does not nap well, naps too late in the day or naps too long, it affects nighttime sleep, which can create a vicious cycle
• Watch out for tired signals – put baby to bed as quickly as you can, once you notice signs such as rubbing eyes, yawning, zoning out, etc
• Establish cot as a pleasant place for the baby – spend interludes throughout the day interacting with the child when she is in the cot, so the baby feels safe and loved even in the cot
• Use key words, sleep music or sounds to soothe baby to sleep when she awakes and cries. These words or music become familiar to the child and may help to calm her down over time.
• Keep a sleep log to track baby’s progress over time. So we can be encouraged when we see results, and can continue with the methods that we have adopted or decide if they need to be tweaked or thrown out altogether.

Note of encouragement: Don’t give up when you seem to be making 1 step forward, 2 steps back. It is often like this with babies and young children. Sometimes the results just need time to materialize. Just stick to what you believe in and what works best for you and your child.

Other sleep resources:

• The contented little baby book – Gina Ford (I found her recommended routines really helpful as a guide for feed and nap timings.)