I recently wrote a post at World Moms Blog on sibling relationships.
Though I think the siblings have gotten off to a relatively good start, there are still little squabbles here and there, especially when there are toys involved. When the kids are at play, there will always be some pulling, crying, yelling, shrieking, and even pushing.
Here are some common household topics that are slightly controversial, where Javier and Vera are concerned.
(Disclaimer: Some dramatisation was involved in the constructing of the scenes below.)
1. On biscuits
Javier: My biscuits are MY biscuits. And your biscuits are also MY biscuits!
Vera: My biscuits are my biscuits, and yours are yours. But you must share them with me you know?
2. On toys
Javier: When I make a grab for your toy, just giveittome wuncha!
Vera: Stop grabbing my toys when I’m playing with them. I fight back! And then mummy takes away everything. It’s lose-lose! We need to work together!
3. On hair
Javier: I know you get pissed off with me for pulling your hair, but I’ve got a real good reason for doing it. My own hair is too short!
Vera: My hair was not made silky and soft so that you can swing on it like a monkey bar. Go swing on some tree like a real Tarzan.
4. On drool
Javier: I know you don’t like me drooling on you. But let’s face it, sis. Boys drool over girls. Period.
Vera: Your drool? Gross and tasteless, buddy. Go drool on your teddy bear or something.
5. On chou-chou
Javier: Can I hug your chou-chou (read: lovey) for a little while? It’s so soft…and stinky.
Vera: Don’t you dare touch my chou-chou! Or else, I will erh erhhh…I will throw your chou-chou away!
~~~
As you can see, although Javier’s only one year old, he’s already pretty good at rubbing Vera the wrong way. You’d be surprised at how he can stand his own ground too. Oh yes, all babies know that crying is their secret weapon, so that gives him an added advantage.
I love to watch them playing with each other, but when the fights come, I’ve got to play referee, and that’s sometimes tough. I’m trying not to keep leaning on Javier’s side just because he’s small. (Plus Vera’s getting bigger, and I’m worried she’ll soon catch on and wonder why it’s always her fault. (She can’t be blamed for everything just because she’s big right?)
So I figure taking away the item of desire from BOTH kiddos would have to be the best solution for now. Or is it? (Because then I face the prospect of having two wailing kids instead of one.)
Sigh…mummyhood is hard to do.
I’m impressed with Javier’s command of the English Language… or Mummy’s ability to decipher his “roooarrrs”
and Vera’s soooo politically correct with the biscuit-divide!
Hahaha, Vera’s turning out to be quite a negotiator.
They are so sweet!! Looking at them at the pic - all angelic, hard to imagine the hair pulling
Haha, the baby is very good at looking innocent, while still pulling hair, and grabbing this, and biting that.
I have these problems all the time, especially since Noey is really bad at sharing. I try to be fair and not always make Noey give in just because he’s older, though I do tend to scold him more often because he should know better. But when Nomi takes something of his and I scold her for it, I usually turn around and point out to Noey that I scold his sister when she’s in the wrong too, while re-affirm what the right behaviour should be. It definitely appeses him to know he’s not the only one being scolded all the time. You’re right, it’s not easy at all!
I think sharing is the hardest thing for kiddos to learn. It’s like making them give up their finger or something. And sometimes I wonder if it’s right to expect them to be able to share! But I guess it’s a learning process — we’ve all got to start somewhere and I’m sure one day they’ll get it.
I think it’s good that you demonstrate to Noey that the same behaviour leads to the same consequence. I will definitely keep that in mind. Thanks!
I once read a very sound piece of advice from Dr Kevin Leman (a Christian author on parenting and discipline) that sibling rivalry is part and parcel of life; and so I have tried my best not to interfere with the fights my three year old and two year old have unless there’s mortal danger! It’s usually quite entertaining and so much of a child’s personality can be seen from such exchanges!
Hi Elizabeth, thanks for sharing that insight. I think I would have to agree, it is part and parcel of growing up, and I guess sometimes it’s good to allow them room to resolve some of the issues themselves instead of stepping in at the first instance. This is a great reminder for me, so thank you!
I used to fight with my brother all the time when we were kids! It only got better when we were in secondary sch? Did I just burst a bubble there?
But I do agree that the older child should not be scolded too often for quarrels or fights even though you may expect them to know better. They are after all kids and all kids are territorial creatures. We do need lots of wisdom.
I laugh at the chou-chou part;) You are too cute to decipher their conflicts! I was cracking my head to write on my piece about sibling rivalry until I see this. Truly inspiring~!
Haha! I’ve got to write on this topic soon too. Maybe it is the “second child” thing? Cos my Xavier is MUCH fiercer than his older bro… Or it may be cos he had his toys/biscuits snatched out of his hands one time too many,
Oh yes, mummyhood IS hard.
Right now, my toddler is making hitting his baby brother and making him cry, a sport. ARGH.